A little place to share the mayhem which is my life. Welcome to the madhouse, please enjoy your stay :D

Sunday, January 1, 2012

As the old year passes…

…it is time to reflect and look forward to the coming year with anticipation of what is to come.

Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot,
And auld lang syne!
For auld lang syne, my dear,
For auld lang syne.
We'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
For auld lang syne.

It was a pretty quiet New Year’s in our household this year. “The Teen” and I rung in the new year with pizza and The Emperor’s New Groove, old school style in a VCR. Yes, they still exist. I have a tonne of VHS and still love to watch on occasion. I have been cleaning out my basement and came across the tape and just had to watch it. Such a fun movie and it seemed fitting to ring in the New Year with a New Groove ^.~
My mother called close to midnight to play the countdown for us since we are without cable atm. She didn’t want us to miss it and we all counted down to midnight together and shouted Happy New Year. It was gloriously fun. A simple night with the people I love. It was the first New Year’s in 16 years that I was not with “the husband” and it was weird. Not that we ever really did anything special but it was weird not having him here to ring in the New Year. The New Year came though, all the same.
After “the teen” went to bed I had time to myself to think. Sometimes that is a good thing or sometimes it can be a bad thing. I started thinking back to when we moved into our current home. We moved in on New Year’s Eve six years ago. It is hard to believe that it has been six years already. I remember that New Year’s like it was yesterday.
We had to move and New Year’s was the night we had to move and at midnight we were in a big moving truck, just the three of us, leaving our old place for a new place and a new year. So much hope ahead of us. A new adventure for us. Sitting in that truck that night, as stressed as I was about the move I was happy. Happy to be with my husband and my son Happy to be together and falling asleep, utterly exhausted from the move, in the arms of my husband. Little did I know the heartbreak that would follow.
They say many marriages can’t survive the loss of a child, I suffered the loss of two children in the last six years and not once did he say he was sorry. In fact he never says he is sorry. I know men grieve differently but it would  have been nice to at least have him show some empathy and support for what I was going through. Instead he abandoned me emotionally and left me twisting in the wind.
So here I sit at my computer, wondering how everything went so horribly wrong. I can wonder forever and never determine what exactly caused this. So I figure what better time then New Year’s to put the past behind me and move forward with the future. I still have hopes and dreams. Some of the same one’s I had sitting in that truck six years ago, but I realized things have changed. I may achieve my dreams, just in a different way, and I am ok with that. Life is about the journey. I don’t know what tomorrow will bring.
Right now I am living in the moment and taking it day by day. Working on getting myself to a good place and decide what I want with my life and who I want in my life and “the teen’s”. I don’t expect this to happen overnight but life is too short to spend forever wishing and waiting.  So I am going to live my life and see where it takes me. I have a lot of love and life and I am going to start living again and not dwell on the past so much. The past is the past for a reason. We learn from it and move on.
I want to wish you all a very Happy New Year and all the best to you and yours in the coming year. May 2012 bring you much love, luck and happiness. Heaven knows we can all use a little more of it.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

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