A little place to share the mayhem which is my life. Welcome to the madhouse, please enjoy your stay :D

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

And then there were two….

It's like you're screaming, and no one can hear
You almost feel ashamed
That someone could be that important
That without them, you feel like nothing
No one will ever understand how much it hurts
You feel hopeless; like nothing can save you
And when it's over, and it's gone
You almost wish that you could have all that bad stuff back
So that you could have the good
Narration to Rihanna’s  We Found Love
“The Teen” (I really need to try and come up with another name for him *lol*) and I have been making some adjustments over the last few days since the household is now less one person.
He has been doing pretty good considering. I will never cease to be amazed by him. For someone so young, he is very wise. and has an amazing strength (even if he has no muscles to speak of *lol*, ) I have developed a strength of my own over the last while. Not sure if it has to do with my wonderful meds or the fact I am tired of being used, abused and tossed aside like yesterday’s garbage. Maybe it’s a combination? Who knows, but whatever is giving me the strength to keep going despite the world seeming to fall down around me, is an amazing thing as well.
So “the teen” and I are embarking on yet another new, epic adventure. For me it is the world of being a single mom for the first time but instead of feeling like a single mom of a child with a husband, I am the single mother of just my own child.  Over the years it has certainly felt like I was a single parent with not much emotional support from my husband. I always chalked it up to me growing up faster than him when I got pregnant at 19. I knew there would be some hardships having a child so young but I just felt in my heart it was the right thing to do.
I don’t regret for a single moment the decision I made to keep my son. I loved him from the moment I realized I was pregnant. Sure there have been times I have wondered what my life would have been like if I had chosen a different path (honestly who doesn’t think that at some point in their life?) but then he does something absolutely amazing like running up and giving me a huge hug and says “I love you mom” or just being…well, in the simplest form…..himself. I see such potential in him and want him to do his best at everything.
He seems to be adjusting well to not having his dad around. We had a long heart to heart on the weekend and spent a lot of time together. He told me that he likes how we have been spending so much time together and I am not the way I was pre-meds. (I wish my stubborn rear would have gotten myself to the doctor years ago.) He knows I suffered from depression and I am on medication. I don’t want to hide things from him, I want to protect him, naturally, mama bear comes out in full force when I think he might get hurt but I also don’t believe in hiding some topics from children.
Things might have been different for me had my mother shared things with me and not made me feel like depression was something to be ashamed of or something you snap out of . I do worry about him because both my husband and I have suffered from depression and I worry that my son will also, which is why I talk to him about it. Especially now that he is entering his teen years which can be the worse time for some kids. He knows he can come to me about anything and I am glad he feels comfortable doing so. Most kids wouldn’t which I think is sad.
I am surprisingly well considering everything that is going wrong in my life right now but I expect nothing less from the madhouse which is my life. There is always something going on. I am concentrating on keeping myself healthy and strong so I can be there for my son and be a better mom. A wise woman told me recently that I need to find happiness to be a great mom to my son and overall a great person, because if I am empty I have nothing  left to give to anyone else. I never thought of it like that before.
This past week I have been doing a lot of thinking, which is easy to do when you aren’t constantly in fear and limbo. Don’t get me wrong, I have no idea what the future is going to bring but I feel better able to handle it with some breathing space. Having my husband in the house, in a relationship with another woman was draining me of everything. I kept praying he would pull his head out of his rear and realize what he was doing to me and his son but instead he chose her, someone he has never met.  He isn’t the man I fell in love with, I don’t know him anymore, and that makes my heart break.
Even though my heart is shattered and I feel like it might never be whole again, I must hold my head high and carry on as best I can, for my son. I am not afraid anymore because I know we deserve more. I do miss my husband, but I miss who he used to be. The man I fell in love with is gone. All the wishing in the world, won’t bring him back, to turn back time. I can only go forward and hope one day to find someone that loves me for me, madhouse and all.  I’m worth it and so is my son.
Hugs and kisses from the madhouse

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Cheers to the freakin weekend!!!!

Another weekend is here and almost gone.
This has been my theme song this past few weeks.
Cheers...I'll drink to that! ~ Rihanna
Yeah yeah, yeah yeah, yeah yeah
Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)

Life’s too short to be sitting around miserable
People gonna talk whether you doing bad or good, yeah
Got a drink on my mind and my mind on my money, yeah
Looking so bomb, gonna find me a honey
Got my Ray-Bans on and I’m feeling hella cool tonight, yeah
Everybody’s vibing so don’t nobody start a fight, yeah-ah-ah-ah
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)

Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)

‘Bout to hop on the bar, put it all on my card tonight, yeah
Might be mad in the morning but you know we goin hard tonight
It’s getting Coyote Ugly up in here, no Tyra
It’s only up from here, no downward spiral
Got my Ray-Bans on and I’m feeling hella cool tonight, yeah
Everybody’s vibing so don’t nobody start a fight, yeah (yeah yeah)

Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)

Cheers to the freaking weekend
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Oh let the Jameson sink in
I drink to that, yeah yeah
Don’t let the bastards get you down
Turn it around with another round
There’s a party at the bar everybody put your glasses up and
I drink to that, I drink to that, I drink to that, I drink to that
(Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah)

And I drink to that

So this weekend has been pretty good. Didn’t end up doing much Friday night. Just relaxed with “the teen”. Did some dancing around the living room to relieve some stress, talked to my mother a zillion times and my dad managed to get a call in there as well. They are both worried about me and hate being so far away with everything going on in my life right now. My life pretty much imploded and everyone is feeling the fall out. But life goes on.
Today I decided I wanted to accomplish something and get a work out while doing it so I tackled my backyard. OMG it was horrible out there. I basically had a fit a couple of years ago and screamed out my back door that the squirrels could have the damn backyard and that I was done with it. I pretty much hadn’t touched it since. Oh boy do I regret that. I felt like I was pulling up ancient vines and other stuff that had gotten lost in the mess of ferns, lilies and weeds.
Two yard waste bags, a bundle of wooden sticks and branches and a garbage bag later I was finally able to see the dirt for the first time in 4 years. I felt pretty good after getting rid of all the junk. Came across some creepy looking bugs and spiders while cleaning as well. *shudder* My kitty watched me from the window while “the teen” would pop his face up every so often to see if I was still alive out in the jungle. It was so cute having my two babies watching me work. Now next year I might bribe “the teen” into doing it, if we are still here that is.
I can already feel my legs getting sore. I know I will be hurting in the morning when I wake up. I pray that I don’t land on my face when I step out of bed like I did the last time I did yard work. I figured I would take advantage of the fact that the snow melted and we had pretty nice temps out for yard work. I don’t have any Christmas lights to put up outside after all.
Tomorrow “the teen” and I might just tackle the tree, not literally of course, Hmmm come to think of it I might want to clear that up with “the teen” first. He has been bugging me to put it up this past week. I would love to get it up and out of the way so I am not rushing a couple of days before Christmas. Eeek Christmas is in under a month. *starts to panic*
Ooo another project we are going to attempt tomorrow is making individual Apple Crisp. I have a recipe somewhere around here and “the teen” has been itching to try out a recipe since he says it is science for the kitchen and he loves science. It helps we have a tonne of apples in the fridge that need to be used. Mmmmm I can smell it now. I might document the process and blog about it tomorrow.
Well I am off to slumberland. Hope to dream of some hot, smexy men. ^.~ Remember, life’s too short to be sitting around miserable, people are going to talk whether you be doing bad or good.  Don’t let the bastards get ya down ^.~
Hugs and smoochies from the Madhouse
what I am living by at the moment.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

OMG……He’s a teen!!!!!

Last week I became the mother of a teenager….Yes I know it is insane. I am too young and adorable to be the mom of a teenager.  =P
So “The Boy” will officially be known as “the teen” until I come up with another more suitable name for him. “The boy” sounds too childish now.
My baby is growing up so fast. *sadface* but I am super proud of him.  He has become quite the handsome young man too. I am sure before too long he will be overrun with the attention of the ladies. For the moment, though he is content to watch Youtube videos and play PS3. Hmmm come to think of it, does any male grow out of that? *lol*
So he had a mini party this past weekend to celebrate with his friends. I was a little nervous about having a group of teenaged boys in the house but it went pretty well. They all had a blast and a great time was had by all, until it was time to go. Seemed no one really wanted to leave, so I guess it was a huge success. *pats self on back*
Of course what teen boy doesn’t like pizza, chips, pop and video games? Thankfully, my brother came over and kept me company and sane through the party.  I do have to say this was a lot more tame then his 10th birthday party. *shutters at the memory*
What I learned this weekend? Four teen boys can make a lot of noise, and devour pizza and chips like no tomorrow. Wish I had their metabolism and I could burn through stuff like that. *sigh* I have been getting a lot of compliments on my weight loss though so I am doing something right. Going to be having to buy me some new pants soon since the ones I have right now are getting to be a bit big.
I am so looking forward to the weekend right now. It is nice to know tomorrow is Wednesday, it’s all downhill from here.  ^.~
Off to plan what mischief me and “the teen” will get into this weekend. I am thinking putting up the Christmas decorations. I have a great urge to play Christmas music right now and decorate. Oh Justin Beiber just came on my music player, singing about being under the Mistletoe. How perfect is that? *teehee*
Well toodles all…
Hugs & Smoochies from the Madhouse

Thursday, November 17, 2011

All by myself…..don’t wanna be all by myself….

Or maybe I do? Hmmmm………..
So my last blog post had to do with my week off from the Husband. I survived the week and I am pretty proud of myself. It did make me spend some time thinking. Maybe I can do the alone thing. It is nice to have someone else in the house sometimes though. But it was nice not to have to put up with his bs either.
So last week, my camera and I got to know each other a little better. I also played around with some hair styles and makeup and whatnot. I felt pretty good last week and wanted to make the most of it before the feeling passed. Such is the life of a severely depressed person. I have been meaning to ask my doctor if I could possibly be Bipolar. Since I have extreme mood swings. When I am up, I am really up and when I am down, I am really down. It is rare for me to be in the middle for any length of time. I also can swing from one to the other in a moment. Must make a note to ask he thoughts.
Anyway on to more of last week. I decided to take some self portraits of myself and fiddle with my photos in my editing programs. “The Boy” was very happy I wasn’t pointing the camera in his direction this time. *lol* He used to love having his picture taken but now I usually get half his head as he ducks or his palm in the camera lens. Teenagers *shakes my head* but I digress. I took some really nice pics of myself. I hadn’t done a self portrait shoot in a long while. Simply because I wasn’t feeling up to photographing myself. But I felt it was needed to lift my mood and lift it, it did. I felt 100% better afterward which is always a bonus.
Here is my favorite photo from my self portrait session.
People at work were very surprised to see me come in with a huge flower and leaves in my hair. I was channeling my inner faerie that day and needed to let it out in some way ^.^
I was going through my zillions of photos on my computer looking for photos of my son for a photo montage of him for his big birthday milestone and came across some photos of me from a few Thanksgivings ago and I had an idea. I didn’t really like the picture how it was originally, mostly because it was taken in a mirror and was out of focus. But I decided to work with it and make it into something artsy.
Here is the before photo.
And the after photo
Basically I had flipped the photo so that the camera writing was readable, this was to correct the writing on the camera. I realized I like my hair parted on the other side though >.< I then cropped the photo down to cut out the excess background that I didn’t want in the photo since it really is ugly looking *lol* I used the clarity button on my PSP and then using one of my many filters I neutralized the colours  and then applied another filter to give it the aged colouring. I know not very detailed instructions, I must pay closer attention to what I use next time to give a better description for those that wish to try something like this.
I love how the picture came out. It is grainy but I think it gives the photo character. It also includes one of my passions, photography. ^.^
Another one of my loves is my kitty. The husband surprised “the boy” and I with this precious little furball the Christmas before last. She can be a handful but we love her to pieces. She is a typical cat, if you try and pay attention to her when she doesn’t want it then she lets you know it but when she wants you to know she wants your attention she let’s you know that too. I was perusing the craft blogs this past Saturday morning after waking up waaaaayyyy to early. She decided it was snuggle time and climbed up on my desk and into my arms and fell asleep. So I had to peruse the blogs one-handed. Naturally, I had to snap a photo.
Well it is getting late and I should retire to my lair for some beauty sleep. Thanks for looking and reading my ramblings. Until next time….
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Lonely…I am so lonely….

Ok well not really, but I did have a week off from the husband and his skankbag Texan fake wife. It just sounds worse every time I say that. Can’t help but shake my head at the stupidity of the entire situation, but I digress, back to my week off.
So last weekend the husband told me he was going out. I didn’t think anything of it till it was 12am and he still hadn’t come home yet. Being the person I am I got worried so I texted him asking if he was ok and if he would be home soon. He hadn’t said he wasn’t coming home so every horrible thought went through my head. He was lying dead in a ditch somewhere, he was mugged and lying in a ditch somewhere, he was hit by a bus etc, etc.
I know it is strange that I even care seeing as he hasn’t really shown much care to me in the last seven months while he is in a relationship with this internet woman but he is still my husband (for the moment at least) and the father to my child. I tend to be a worrier though even if I am mad at someone I still worry about them. Sometimes I wonder if that is a serious fault of mine, since it tends to leave me used and abused by people because they know I will always be there for them.
So there I am at 2am with no word from the husband, really starting to freak out. He hadn’t responded to my text so I was really worried. I went down into his lair in the basement and discovered that there was several things missing from them room. So then I went from worried to angry. I was furious that he could be so inconsiderate to not tell me he wasn’t coming home or that he possibly moved out. There I was like a damn fool sitting up worrying about him, thinking something bad happened and he was off, heaven knows where, sleeping like a baby. Of course that kept me from being able to sleep so I was up till 4:30am and not impressed.
I did manage to get some things done though thanks to the anger. I took out my air conditioner, since the husband couldn’t be bothered to do it. I then installed a chain to the back door. I am sure the neighbours loved me making noise at 3:30am but I was livid and needed to burn off the excess energy.
So the next day I wasn’t in good humour so I wasn’t in the mood to speak to the husband when I saw him at work. He asked me what my attitude was all about and I snapped at him that he left and didn’t even have the courtesy to let me know so like an idiot I was up worried all night and didn’t get any sleep. I am sure he probably felt pretty pleased with himself. But I was still too furious to care that I was probably playing into what he wanted. I will be making an effort to not let that happen again.
Turns out he was looking after his mother’s dogs for the week and would be gone. I had mixed feelings about it, in all honesty. I had never been alone in the house for longer than a night or two before. A week seemed like an eternity, but I realized it would be a good test to see how I can handle having my own place when the husband does eventually move out. It would also give us some much needed space. Even with him living in the basement, he is still in the house and I still cross paths with him each day and it is a constant reminder that he is talking to another woman in the house. It is hard to be civil with someone that broke your heart.
So Monday night wasn’t all that easy. Didn’t sleep well at all. The house felt empty even with my son. It is amazing how one person can effect your life. Tuesday night was better, I was more used to the empty feeling in the house and the quiet. By the end of the week I was actually feeling better but I did miss the husband. We had actually had some pretty good conversations by the end of the week and actually went out to dinner on Friday night before he had to head back out to his mother’s.
I think the week off from each other was good. I just wish he hadn’t done it the way he had. He should have told me he was looking after the dogs and not left me worrying as he did. He said he only did what I have done to him but I have never not come home without calling first.
This week did help me connect with my artistic side. Opened my eyes to what is around me. Monday I snapped an amazing picture on the way to work. There was a mystical fog over the ground. The one that always happens this time of year around the first frost. I have always found fog beautiful and this picture kind of says how I was feeling at the time.
Spooky Tree
I took this with my Blackberry since I didn’t have my actual camera on me but I think it is an amazing shot. I currently have it as my wallpaper on my phone. I was trying to capture the fog and the beauty of the bare tree against the morning sky when a crow flew in as I pushed the button. It was perfect timing. This picture makes me think of Wuthering Heights or the Raven.
Another night this week I ventured out to have dinner with my son at a local restaurant and there was an absolutely amazing sunset. The sky was alive with different shades of pink and purple and naturally I had to capture it. Again these were taken with my Blackberry as I forgot my pocket cam at home, but still beautiful. I really must remember to grab my pocket cam with me when I leave the house. You never know when the urge to snap an unforgettable moment arises. 

Pink Sky at night

Pink Sky at night in B&W

I loved the look of the last two pictures. I think both are beautiful in their own way. I love black and white photography, there is something classic about the photos that colour just can’t express.  I believe not all photos look great in both styles, but this time I think both photos are beautiful and capture different feelings.
I really missed taking pictures. It has been a while since I really played with my camera. I am hoping to change that especially since I have gotten back into looking at everything as a photo op. I have more pics and more on my week sans husband but I will leave off for now. It is late and I have already written too much. Enjoy your slumber everyone.
Hugs and smoochies from the Madhouse

Monday, November 7, 2011

Tastes from childhood…

I am not a culinary artist, by any means. I actually loathe cooking. I seem to be missing the gene that makes women love to bake and cook and spend time in the kitchen. If I can help it I stay out of my kitchen at all costs.
Unfortunately for me, there are always times I must brave venturing into the dreaded kitchen, generally around food time, or else risk becoming a meal myself.
Today “The Boy” was sitting at the computer watching more Let’s Plays or whatever they are called and I was sitting at my computer playing Sims Social on Facebook (ZOMG I am addicted) and then the dreaded sentence comes. “The Boy” turns around and says
“Mom, I am hungry”
I resist the urge to bolt out the back door and far away and contemplate what I have in the house that I can make for lunch. I stepped into the kitchen and the hairs stood up on end and I looked around and spotted a open bag of potatoes. Potatoes that need to be eaten so I had an idea. Homemade fries.
My mom would make these all the time when I was growing up. She was blessed with the ability to cook, and cook without following a recipe or measuring. Obviously I didn’t take after her in that either. *sigh*
Now given my bad experiences in the kitchen what I planned to do was completely insane but I was going to attempt to make homemade fries like mom used to make. The last time I made these I was pregnant with my son, so 13 years ago now. Wow has it been that long?
So I dig out my mini fryer and clean it off from years of sitting in the cupboard, neglected. I set everything up and get ready to make some Nom Noms. I get the oil in the fryer, the potatoes peeled, cut and washed. I plug in the fryer and cross my fingers and say a little prayer that it doesn’t blow up in my face.
Now the mom in me and the paranoid freak as well, mentally tried to remember how to put out a grease fire. You can never be too prepared right? So I turn to “the Boy” and ask him to go Google how to’s on putting out grease fires. He looks at me with concern in his eyes and says “Are you serious?” and then sighs and off to the computer he goes.
He comes back a couple of minutes later and this is the conversation which ensued.
The Boy: “Umm mom. I think you shouldn’t do this”
Me: “What are you talking about? You are hungry and I am making fries”
The Boy: “I am not hungry enough to risk you burning the house down”
Me: “I am not going to burn the house down” Secretly praying that I don’t burn the house down but didn’t want him to know that.
The Boy: “Seriously MOM, you don’t have to do this, it’s not worth it, let’s just find something else”  Practically pleading with me
Me: “It will be fine” Again saying a little prayer that I don’t catch fire to my kitchen.
The Boy: “Ok, if you say so, I still don’t think you should attempt this”
Me: “Seriously it will be fine, my mom used to make these all the time and nothing happened. They are the best friends EVER, you’ll see”
The Boy: “What is that noise?” Panic in his voice
Me: “What noise?”
The Boy: “That popping noise?”
Me: “It’s just he oil heating up”
The Boy: “OMG why does it sound like that? That doesn’t sound right!”
Me: Crazy Laughter
The Boy: “That’s not funny” Glaring at me
Me: “Ok, ok I am sorry” as I lower the first batch of cut potatoes into the hot oil and they start to sizzle.
So there we are, biting our nails waiting, when suddenly I get this picture of him trying to make fries and I turn to him and say
“I don’t want you to EVER do this! EVER!”
The Boy: “I am not touching that thing, it’s dangerous, I want nothing to do with it”  as he shakes his head and stalks out of the kitchen.
Back to fry watch I went. I had to call my mom to verify how long I needed to cook them for and even she told me to be careful and not burn the house down. Great, no one has faith in me to cook. Mind you I do have a bad track record in the kitchen so can’t say I blame them, but it still stings. *lol*
So I am happy to announce the fries turned out great. Just like I remember them growing up. My son was impressed that they tasted so good and proclaimed me must make Poutine with fries like that sometimes because they were so good. Oh and he was very impressed I didn’t burn down the house. I have to say I am as well >.<
So today was an experiment. I had a thought and I did it even though I was terrified. I must remember the little train “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”
My adventure in fry making
Cut potatoes
All set to go in the oil
Bubble, bubble, toil and trouble?
Hot off the presses, OMG SOOOOOO TASTY!!!!

The Boy LOVED them and I was pleased. I just might attempt to do more cooking. *lol*
Well I am off to fold my laundry and head to bed. Hope you all have adjusted well to the time change (if you are affected by it, of course) See ya soon.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

Saturday, November 5, 2011

A week of Epicness….

Happy Weekend all!
Been a pretty busy week for me actually. Spent a lot of time out of the house and in bed if that is completely possible *lol* and no not at the same time or with other people, despite what  “the husband” has been accusing me of.  Seriously, just because I leave the house doesn’t mean I am sleeping around. He is one to talk with his cyber-wife on the phone all the time. 
Less fighting with “the husband” then normal but I chalk that up to not being in the house, or frankly my not giving a damn about what he thinks. Mind you we did have an epic fight right before my therapy appointment on Wednesday evening. Surprise, surprise he was being a gigantic a-hole because “skanky hobag” was on the phone again and he had to look like the big, strong man to her by calling me names and accusing me of insane sh*t. But what else can I expect from someone that has a cyber-wife. *eyeroll* 
So therapy this week was interesting. My therapist requested that I bring “The Boy” in so after much argument he finally agreed to come with me. I told him he didn’t have to talk to her if he didn’t want to but he was coming with me. He threw himself down in the huge chair, sulking while my therapist asked me how things have been since my last appointment and if I completed my homework. I didn’t get good marks on the homework front, however. I was always good at homework in school but life homework is not my forte.
One of my homework assignments was to decide if I wanted to stay in my marriage. To be completely honest I am still undecided which is why I failed on the rest of my homework. How am I supposed to complete homework that rests on that decision? I know I can’t continue as things have been but I don’t know if I want to completely give up either. I know , I know I sound weak. How do you walk away from 16 years of being with someone you loved? It is not easy and I still am trying to decide if I want to stick it out and hope he pulls his giant head out of his a$$ or if I want to walk away. I don’t think this makes me a bad person. I think this makes me human. Change is scary, and I have never been particularly good with it.  Hence the need for therapy and anxiety meds >.<
So there I am talking to my therapist when “The Boy” suddenly speaks up and says “my dad says he loves me and cares about me but if he really loved me and cared about me then he would have been gone by now, instead of staying in the house and pissing off my mom” There was such anger in his voice. It surprised me. I know this situation hasn’t been easy on him but until this point he hasn’t really showed much emotion about it. He continued to make statements as I talked to my therapist and I let him speak and get his feelings out.
I have offered to find someone for him to talk to but until now he has refused to speak to anyone and I didn’t want to force it and stress him out more. I figure he would come to me in his own time. He knows he can come to me with anything and I have been as honest as I can about what is going on. I think it is bad to try and hide things from children. Yes it is a hard situation but they aren’t stupid and deserve to have their feelings heard and respected.
Do I hate that he is in pain over this? Hell yes, I do, but I think it is worse to keep him in the dark about things. There is nothing worse than that feeling and I don’t want to do that to him.
I think taking him to see my therapist helped him. He seemed more relaxed afterward and it felt like we bonded in a way. I am not the only one dealing with someone that is supposed to love me and is ignoring me for another woman. My son is going through it too and he is hurting just as much as I am over this. It kills me that this is happening.
My family doctor actually said that this happening was probably a good thing because in all the years I have been seeing her she has never seen me as animated has I have been since I first discovered “the husband” was talking to the “Texan skankbag” She said I seemed to be just going through the motions before but since April she has seen anger, frustration, tears, passion and so much more. She thinks I need to take this and learn from it, I think she is right.
I have learned to appreciate more since all this has happened. I have learned I am a passionate person and deserve so much more than I have been just living with. I have been going out and finding things to do and things I enjoy and I think it is getting on “the husband’s” nerves. If the last couple of days is any indication. He actually asked me on a date, he asked me in text but he still asked. He also has been a lot friendlier to me since Wednesday as well.
Don’t worry, I have no intention on swooning and going back to the status quo. If he is truly serious about working things out then he needs to prove it. I have realized that I can’t save my marriage on my own and until this week he didn’t seem to have any interest in it. Right now I am trying to determine if he is just acting like he wants things to work out or if he actually wants to. Only time will tell.
So I am going to leave off with a picture of me taken this morning after an epic, marathon sleep session.  A rare glimpse of me, in bed. Whoa, calm those horses down boys, it’s not that kind of picture.  *lol*
This is me after about 14 hours of sleep. Yes you read that right, 14 hours. Seems my body decided I needed sleep or something. It’s not used to me being out so often or working out. *lol* Thursday night, mainly out of frustration, I decided to burn off some steam by working out. Seems my body decided I needed to recoup from that.
I do have to say this is the best pic of me after having just woken up *lol* Normally I resemble something that crawled out of a grave, of course that is usually after about 3 hours of sleep. Hmmmm, I wonder what that says about my sleeping habits. *scratches chin, in deep thought*
Well have a great rest of the weekend all. I am off to work out some more.
Hugs and smoochies from the madhouse.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Peppermint Hot Chocolate

So a few years ago I fell in love with the Peppermint Hot Chocolate from Starbucks. It’s only available during the Christmas season. (Yes I said Christmas, it’s what I celebrate and I will not apologize for that.)
However, I am not made of money so buying them often was not an answer so I had to come up with a way to get something similar at home. So while craving a Peppermint Hot Chocolate and staring at the candies “the husband” had bought to go with the gingerbread kit he had purchased for “the boy” and a light bulb went off.
Why not take the peppermint candies and vent some of my frustration by smashing them with a meat tenderizer to make a peppermint powder. So that is what I did.
I love to have Peppermint Hot Chocolate on days where it is cold and I need something to warm me up or when my throat is bothering me. So days like today where it is cold and my throat is sore thanks to coughing most of the day. Gotta love those colds.
So tonight I had my first Peppermint Hot Chocolate of the season and thought I would share how I make my cup of yum.
What you will need:
  • Packet of hot chocolate (with or without marshmallows I prefer without)
  • 2 peppermint candies
  • Meat tenderizer tool
  • hot water
  • paper towels
1. Boil some water. However you do it, stove, pot, electric kettle breathing fire and so on
2. Unwrap the peppermint candies and place in some paper towel which has been folded over several times. The paper towel will tear from the jagged edges of the candies as they get smashed so make sure there are several layers.
3.  Take out any frustrations you may have on beating the candies. I start with the jagged edge first to break the candies into chunks and then switch to the flat edge to break the chunks into finer pieces. Should look something like this when you are done.
4.  Now take the broken candies and pour into your cup with the hot chocolate mix.

5. Pour in the boiling water, as per packet directions and Voila, a cup of yummy pepperminty goodness. ^.^

I know you’re all envious of my Tinkerbell  mug. Love faeries, what can I say.  ^.^
Hugs and smoochies from the Madhouse <3