A little place to share the mayhem which is my life. Welcome to the madhouse, please enjoy your stay :D

Friday, December 9, 2011

Journey into Single Motherhood Pt.1

I have sat down to start a new post several times over the last week and can’t seem to collect my thoughts together. My mind is being pulled in so many different directions lately. So many things that need to get done and not enough hours in the day in which to complete them. December is usually a stressful month for me but this year I am adding the joy of becoming a single mom into the mix. Let’s just say it has been an interesting adjustment.

There are pros and cons to being a single mom. First of all you are the only one there to do the shopping, cleaning and everything else. Not that my husband was much of a help in that department. Every now and then he would clean up but for the most part I always felt like I was cleaning up after him. I sometimes felt like I had two children instead of just the one I gave birth to.  And seeing as I don’t drive that leaves me with many hours spent on the bus.  You couldn’t begin to understand how much I loathe the bus, especially since they keep raising the fare prices and reducing the service. *grumble*

There is obviously less money in the house since the second income is gone. So that has been an adjustment, especially since “the husband” decided back in May he didn’t have to pay any more bills in the house because he was “reclaiming his manhood” whatever the hell that means. In my opinion, abandoning your family obligations doesn’t makes you a man, more like a coward and a selfish ass. Anyways, it has been a struggle to figure finances out. I am doing the best I can seeing as I am not getting any child support from “the husband”, as of yet. He says it is coming but he says a lot of things and honestly after the last 7 months I don’t know what to believe anymore.

There isn’t a man in the house other than my son, of course, and well he doesn’t know how to do a lot of things because his father never really showed him how to do man things. Mind you “the husband” didn’t really do many man things either. More video games then helping hang curtains or putting together stuff. I am the one that usually gets the garbage together and takes it out. Since I don’t want to nag and bitch to get him to do it. It is just easier to do it myself. However, I am trying to break “the teen” of his father’s habits. So I have been getting him to do things around the house, like garbage and recycling. He is in charge of that now.

The great thing about being a single mom is that you don’t have to wait on someone else. I don’t have to ask “the husband” what he wants for dinner and then watch him not eat it because he doesn’t like it or is too busy talking to his biatch to eat it with us. “The teen” and I enjoy eating together and chatting. I know it bothered him that his dad couldn’t be bothered to eat with us most nights, instead choosing to go into the basement to talk to his “virtual wife” (that is a story for another time)

“The husband” thought I was turning our son against him by complaining about his “virtual wife” to our son, but I didn’t  have to say a thing to “the teen”. He has eyes and ears in his head and could see and hear what his father was doing and made his own decisions. It is sad that a child knows what his father is doing is wrong but the father tries to justify it and make it out to be ok. *smh*

It is also great not to have to pick up after “the husband”. “The teen” and I have discovered that the house has stayed a lot cleaner for a lot longer since “the husband” started hiding out in the basement and now that he is finally gone. I actually don’t mind cleaning as much because I am not having to pick up after “the husband” There was nothing more irritating then having to do that. I have enough to do in the house then running around picking stuff up after him. “The teen” even picks up after himself most of the time, sometimes needing reminders but it isn’t a huge fight when I have to remind him.

“The teen” and I seem to be holding our own, for now. I don’t know what the future will bring but we are working together to get through this. I do miss “the husband”, I do still love him, I have since the moment back in high school when he looked me in the eyes and said  he was going to marry me someday. I just wish he had meant it for life and things didn’t end up like this. But here we are, he made his choice and our son and I are left to pick up the pieces of our life and make the best out of it. I think we will both be stronger people for this.

I thought “the husband” was the happily ever after to my once upon a time but now I think my Prince Charming got lost in Never Never Land with Peter Pan and the lost boys who don’t want to grow up. *sigh* I am trying very hard to not lose my faith in fairytales. One day, I will get my fairytale ending, until then I am going to keep singing and dancing and taking it a day at a time.

to be continued….


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