A little place to share the mayhem which is my life. Welcome to the madhouse, please enjoy your stay :D

Monday, December 19, 2011

Journey into Single Motherhood Pt. 2

OMG!!!!! I can’t believe it is 6 more sleeps till Christmas. I don’t even have my tree done yet. It is up but not decorated. I had to spray it down with some bitter tasting stuff in an attempt to keep the little demon out of it this year. Wanted to make sure it was completely dry before attempting to put on the lights.
I really should invest in a new tree. Possibly one pre-lighted, so I don’t have to spend time checking lights and getting them just right. >.<
I am almost ready for Christmas, gifts are purchased but have to be wrapped. That can be done some time this week though so I am not stressed about it. There isn’t that much this year since hubby decided to leave us high and dry. I had to do some creative thinking for Christmas this year but I was bound and determined to give my son the Christmas he deserves, despite the fact his father could care less. Such is the life of a single mom , I suppose.
Trying to adjust to this single mom thing is a struggle some days. I have a new respect for all the single mother’s I have known. Having to be two parents at once can be an adjustment, and getting no support from the father isn’t a fun thing either. Thankfully my son is pretty self sufficient so I don’t have to worry about finding a sitter for him if I need to go do groceries or whatnot. 
“The teen” has been holding up pretty well considering all that has happened over the last 8 months with his father and everything he has done to both of us. He is still refusing to see his father. Says we are better off without him. At the moment I can’t blame him at all for that because “the husband” didn’t just do this to me but his son too. I have several people telling me that I should be making “the teen” see his father but I don’t agree with that, seeing as “the husband” didn’t consider how his actions were effecting his son. So as long as “the teen” has no wish to see his father then he doesn’t have to see him. I will not apologize for that. Protecting my son is first and foremost to me.
I know he is hurting about everything. I also know he is bottling up his feelings which I don’t think it healthy. I don’t want to push talking to someone about it but at the same time I am worried about him. So I am looking into getting someone for him to speak too. He knows he can talk to me about anything but I think at this moment he needs a third party that is neutral. He did speak to my therapist a few weeks ago and this is where I discovered how effected he truly was about how his father was treating us. It broke my heart when I heard him say “he says he loves me but if he really loved me and didn’t want to fight around me then he would have left long ago, and not stayed in the house talking to another woman and not paying any money toward rent or bills and hurting my mom”. It was said with definite angry tones.
It is hard being a mom these days, with the internet making cheating so much easier, and the decline of morales. I have no idea what happened to the male population. There seems to be so many men nowadays that are little boys trapped in adult bodies. Not many seem willing to work things out either. It saddens me. I have been told I am a bad mother recently by “the husband” and his “cyberwife” , they say I use my son as a guilt trip all because I kept asking if “the husband”or the “skank bag” considered what they were doing to “the teen” when he sat there in front of him telling another woman that he loved her and her children. 
I find it humorous that this “woman” says she is a better mother when she spends all her time on the phone with a “married” man and having her children call him daddy and tell him they love him when he is still married to another woman. Or the fact they have NEVER met. I would never let my son become attached to someone I never met especially someone that is married. If you ask me the two of them are the mental ones. I feel like I am the only sane one in this little triangle and they are living in a fantasy world that will come crashing down and the children will be caught in the fall out. What kind of mother does that to her children? It makes no sense to me. I feel like I am the only one that actually cares what happens to “the children” but I am considered the bad mother. *eyeroll*
My son told me to ignore the two of them because as far as he is concerned I am a great mom and he knows I love him and would do anything for him, within my power. He wants nothing to do with this “mental” woman (his words) and no one will ever replace me as his mom. I am beyond proud of him. I hate that all this happened at all but I am doing my best and he knows it.
My family has been amazingly supportive. Even trying to come up with a way to bring us down to spend the holidays with them but I declined. I felt it was the best thing to have Christmas just the two of us this year. We are going to do this together and I firmly believe if we get through this Christmas alone then we will make it through any hurdle thrown our way. We are from a long line of survivors. My family have the Irish fighting spirit and I am not going down without a fight. Life will not beat me while I have a breath in body.
The thing I have been hearing a lot lately is “everything happens for a reason”  and “take one day at a time” and I really am starting to believe it. Yes our lives have been turned upside down but for the first time in a long time I feel alive again and I need to be strong for “the teen” because he is in a very important stage in his life and needs stability and love. All of us do but as parents we are supposed to be there for our children, to love and protect them. “The teen” deserves the best that life can bring and I want to make sure he succeeds and becomes a wonderful man. He has so much potential to do great things.
Well my drink is done and I should be getting to bed or else tomorrow will be a LONG day. Toodles all.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse.

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