...I am no longer in you.
Recently I made a huge trip out of my comfort zone. I don't usually venture too far from the Madhouse. I like familiar. Familiar is safe to me. While I don't have a particular routine (since I dislike routine) I like to be places that I know. So it was shocking to me as well as people that know me, when I up and decided to fly to Alberta recently, to visit an old ex from high school.
Back in September I received a message from an old love from high school, asking how I was doing. We hadn't spoken in almost twenty years after a very bad break up. I was shocked to receive a message from him but at the same time it made me smile. I had been thinking of him quite a bit prior to that message, actually. He asked if he could call me and instead of hesitating like I normally would I gave him my number. Hearing his voice again put a smile on my face. I was a little surprised at how easy it was to talk to him after such a long time. It was like no time had passed.
We started talking regularly after that. Remembering a lot of the stupid crap we had done in high school. Sharing what has been going on with the last twenty years. He has relocated to Alberta and after a few weeks of talking he asked if I would go out to visit him. He thought I could use the vacation since things have been pretty tense in the Madhouse, as of late.
It was completely crazy but I agreed to go out to visit. I have several friends in Calgary and I have never been past Ontario so I would see something new. People that know me well, know how terrified of flying I am. So getting on a plane to fly out to Calgary was definitely something I wouldn't normally do.
I had been told by so many people that I was crazy and shouldn't go. Normally I would have talked myself out of going and that it was crazy and irresponsible to just up and decide to go flying across the country to see someone you hadn't seen since you were in high school but this time I didn't have that. Somehow I knew it was the right thing to do and I would definitely regret it if I didn't go.
I arranged for the teen to stay at a friend's house while I was away and I boarded a plane bound for Calgary. I was nervous but calm at the same time. It would be the longest I was ever away from the teen. I have only travelled alone once prior to this trip. I had to change planes in Toronto which I have NEVER done before. I prefer to fly direct whenever possible when I manage to get on a plane. I was pretty nervous about it but I made my connection and finally ended up in Calgary.
It was great to see (let's call him) Baker, again. It was so strange being there and I kept staring at him because I couldn't believe I was there. I never do things like this. Definitely out of my comfort zone. I was there for about five days. So much went wrong while I was there but I had a fantastic time anyway. It was strange because normally when things go wrong I freak out but I just went with it this time and had a great time.
Neo and I took a day trip to Banff and had a fantastic day walking around and snapping pictures. I was absolutely in love with the mountains.
It was a fantastic trip and I actually didn't want it to end. It definitely got me out of my comfort zone and I learned to just go with the flow. A new thing for me, to be sure. I do believe now that the person you are with can determine your own reactions. If you are with someone that you have to be on guard with all the time you are going to be on edge and jumpy all the time.
Neo is definitely someone that I can be relaxed with so I found myself very relaxed and easy going with him. He had actually said he found me easy going and I laughed because most people think I am far from easy going.
I have been back from Calgary for a month now. Baker and I have been talking pretty much every day. We are getting to know each other again. Much has changed with both of us over the last twenty years. He knew me before I was broken and I have been trying to put myself back together over the last two years, as he has since his recent break up. I have no idea what is in store for the both of us in the future but right now we are taking things slowly. Both of us have been hurt a great deal and have become a little jaded when it comes to our hearts.
For the first time in a long time I am actually hopeful. Only time will tell now. Until then I will continue trying to step out of my comfort zone. Yes there is a chance things can go horribly wrong but you are actually living. It is an awesome feeling.
Hugs and Smoochies from The Madhouse
<3 Arawynn <3