Celebrities and Random Dancing…

Surprisingly been a calm weekend for me. Mind you it isn’t done yet *knock on wood*
So Friday night I had fallen asleep after work and didn’t wake up till about about 1am when a friend messaged me on MSN and woke me up. I guess I needed the sleep *sigh* Of course I then couldn’t go back to sleep so I came down and blogged and started looking up steampunk and crafty things online and before I realized it, 7:30am rolled around and my son came thumping down the stairs trying to scare the cat. I swear the two of them make me want to pull my hair out sometimes *lol*
So I had heard at work on Friday that there was going to be a free movie day at the Cineplex Odeon theatres across the country so naturally I had to look and see what was playing. The whole thing was for the first Community Day in support of the Starlight Foundation. The movie was free and most concessions were $2. Since The Boy was up and I was still not tired we decided to head off to see Green Lantern. The husband tagged along as well since he woke up too and naturally anything free is good in his books. So off to the theatre we went. The Boy was more interested in Cats and Dogs 2 but grudgingly went to Green Lantern since it is something that should be see in the big screen.
The husband was even kind enough to pay for the concessions which is only fair seeing as I am paying for everything else it seems (that’s a whole other bitch fest) We ate like kings and it went to a good cause, which is awesome.
On the way out of the theatre though I HAD to stop and pick up Zoodoo friend from one of the vending machines. They are the cutest little things and I must try making them myself so I can have a variety of them since they are a little steep for a vending machine. Remember when vending machines used to be 25 cents instead of a dollar or four. *shakes head* OMG I sound like my mother, *runs and hides*
So I waited with anticipation of a child on Christmas morning waiting to see which one I would end up with. I opened the flap and discovered a voodoo friend that I quickly named Willow Smith. It had a long braid hanging in it’s face and my son started singing “I whip my hair back and forth, I whip my hair back and forth”. It seemed fitting. So both of us agreed Willow Smith it was and off to add to the Britney Spears one I got in the summer.
Naturally I must have these stars greet my guests when they arrive


So I have Breakdown Britney and Whip it Willow hanging from my welcome sign.
In celebration to our new addition The Boy and I turned up the radio and had a random dance session. It is amazing what a session of random dancing can do to relieve stress, no wonder they do it so often on iCarly.
Naturally “The Husband”  thinks we are both mental but if you can’t let loose on occasion what is the point of life?
I found a picture quote on my cousin’s Facebook page today that really spoke to me so I thought I would share it. I seem to be living through quotes lately but some of them are really helpful to just letting go of your worries and just live life. Not sure where it originated, but wanted to share in case it helps someone else struggling with letting go with the past mistakes.

Hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. Off to see my family doctor tomorrow for my annual physical. Yes I know all you ladies are flinching right now because you feel my pain, or rather, discomfort. Tomorrow is another day. Toodles my darlings.
Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

Crazy Week in the Madhouse…

This has been a mad week in the madhouse.
Sunday I went to my first Comic Convention. I am not really a comic fanatic, I have been to some comic shops but not really for the comics. Last Christmas I ventured into a comic shop to buy some gifts for my son and found myself completely overwhelmed at the sheer number of comics there were. All organized in drawers wrapped in plastic. I ended up purchasing a Doctor Who comic for my son because I know he really loves Doctor Who and was amazed to find a comic based on the series. I also purchased World of Warcraft: Death Knight for him. He seemed to enjoy it.
So here I am at the Comic Convention this past Sunday, kicking myself for not snapping a pic with my phone to capture the moment , but I digress. Again I was completely overwhelmed at the amount of comics there were. So many tables with comic and collectables on display. Everything from old stuff to new, sports and sci-fi and everything in between it seemed *lol*
A Scott Pilgrim t-shirt caught my eye and I just had to buy it. My son loves, loves, loves Scott Pilgrim. Can a teenage boy ever have enough graphic tees? I thought to myself. So I gave in and bought him the Scott Pilgrim tee and for good measure a Yoda with sunglasses as well. If I had more money on me I probably would have snagged a couple for me as well.
My son absolutely LOVED them. I have never seen him that excited about clothes before. Must remember to record these reactions to play back at his wedding like any good mom would do *lol* To my surprise he was more excited over the Yoda tee then Scott Pilgrim. This is how it went down:
Me: “Gotcha some t-shirts” handed them to him folded so he couldn’t see the fronts
The Boy: “More shirts?” giving me “the look” with almost an eye roll
Me: “Yup” trying to hide my smile and restraining myself from jumping up and down in excitement
The Boy: “Sweet”  when seeing the Scott Pilgrim tee “OMG I AM SO WEARING THIS TOMORROW” when seeing the Yoda in shades tee.
Me: “So you like them
The Boy: “YEA, Thanks Mom” while holding the yoda tee up to his chest.
I think I am getting this buying clothes for boys thing down. Only took me 12 years lol.

As a result of the Comic Con I ended up missing my pharmacy and wasn’t able to pick up my meds, I figured it is only one dose it couldn’t be that bad, could it? Oh boy was I wrong. I felt like my skin was crawling and I was so irritable. The morning went without incident. I even ate lunch with hubby for the first time in weeks. Walking back to my building after lunch though I saw hubby out on the phone (most likely with hobag from Texas) and something in me snapped, ended up giving him the finger and then stalking into work, I sent him a text telling him I was tired of the crap and he needed to get the hell out of the house if he wanted her and didn’t want me anymore and to let me move on. Then I started crying and could not stop. Ended up having to leave early and go home. I cried for 2 hours straight, unable to stop.
It felt like three to four months of emotions came pouring out. My therapist did say most women in my situation would be going through boxes of tissues per session but I barely shed a tear. I have had emotions yes, just not the sobbing. This medication I am on is amazing. I am no longer completely controlled by my emotions and anxiety. This experience taught me that I definitely need to be on medication and I can NEVER miss a dose again. It did feel good to have a good cry though. I am in a better head space now, whether that is from the good cry or being back on my medication I don’t know *lol*  
I have also been trying to spend a lot of time out of the house. My therapist said I need to get out and be with friends, make new friends and just get out of the house because it really seems to be killing me with the situation going on between my husband and I. So Tuesday I headed to visit an old high school friend. Wasn’t for very long but just getting out  of the house for that little bit recharged me.
Wednesday I ended up just heading out and about. I went to Tim Horton’s and got myself an XL Chai tea (my newest fave hot drink) and a yummy Pumpkin Spice muffin. As I was leaving I ran into a co-worker and had a little chat and then headed to the library. It has been so long since I have been to the library. I used to spend all my time there when I was a teenager. It was my haven, I found comfort in the books. The smell of the books, the quiet and the discovery. I could spend hours upon hours in the library and never get bored. I might have to resurrect these evenings.
Things have definitely changed, especially seeing as I went with a list of books I was interested in getting but didn’t end up leaving with any of them because they were not at that branch and I would have to order them or they were on hold till I am 40 so looks like I will have to buy them if I ever want to read them *lol*
Thursday I decided to stay home seeing as I was out most of the week and I am not used to it and wanted to spend some time with The Boy and doing some cleaning. Ended up going through 6 boxes from my basement and purged a bag of garbage as a result. Found so many things for crafting, as well. I am so excited to get everything organized so I can figure out what I have and what I need and get started on some of the ideas I came up with last night. If I am manage to remember I will snap pics for some tutorials and post them.
Think I will continue this purging for the next few days and see what else I can discover.
Hugs and Kisses from the Madhouse

Who am I ?

OMG I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOoooooo excited.

I finally managed to get Windows Live reinstalled on my computer and  I got my writer back with my fonts. Yes I know probably a lame thing to be excited about in the grand scheme of life but it my OCD tends to act up when things don’t look like I want them too *lol*

So seems that my grand plan to get my son to go to school failed miserably this week. He fell asleep and misses his bus Tuesday morning, first day back from the long weekend we had. Hubby went home and brought him to school but that means he forfeited his money for the week because of that mistake. I am sticking to my guns on it. Hubby had a meeting with the VP and basically we had to bring him to school each day on our way to work and he got to sit where the secretary could see him in the office. This week coming up is a new week so we will see how it goes.

My son is going to officially hit the teenage status in about a month and I have to say I am thrilled and scared to death at the same time. He has had the teenage attitude for the last couple of years but now is going to come having girls around because he is a little cutie and I am sure he will be a heartbreaker.

Something that made my week this week in a way had to be when I took my son to the doctor because he was complaining of being sick and wouldn’t believe me that it was just allergies and a possible cold, because I don’t have a medical degree. So off to the doctor we went and the doctor asked him why he wasn’t in school and I responded. explaining what he had said when he woke up and she looked at me and said

Doctor: “And who are you in relation to him?  Giving me a very suspicious once over

Me: “His mother”

Doctor: “You’re his MOTHER? I would never have pegged you as his mother, you look so young”
 
Yup, I was between flattered and insulted. I chose to be flattered that I look younger than I am. Mind you I could go without the strange stares when I am out with my son or people find out I am actually his mother. People can be so judgemental sometimes.
 
So much to my son’s dismay the doctor confirmed my suspicions that it was indeed a touch of a common cold and allergies. Most of his symptoms have faded after I had given him an allergy pill. So he wasn’t too thrilled with hearing he had to go to school. Hubby said I was too soft to let him stay home and take him to the doctor in the first place but the way I see it is he will be less likely to try and fake sick if he knows I am just going to make him go to to the doctor or stay home and make sure he doesn’t have any fun at all. Because what are mothers for?

Another big step for me this weekend was calling to have food delivered. Yes I know, I am over 30 and scared to talk to people on the phone *blush* But with my marriage going to hell in a hand basket I am having to do things my husband would take care of. So I am grasping my own sense of independence and freedom. It is quite invigorating actually.

It was especially nice seeing as it was a treat after cooking for 2 months straight without really having food delivered or brought home. I admit I hate cooking so it was just easier but when I found out my husband was cheating with a skanky ho from Texas (a bitch vent session for another day) I had to do some belt tightening in preparation for being a single mom and I actually find it is fun to look for new things to make. Like making my first Thanksgiving dinner last weekend which my son gobbled up in no time.

So I am over 30 and having to relearn to do things or learn to do things I never had to do before and like my son hitting the teenage era I am finding myself on a journey of self discovery as well. Oddly looking forward to it.

I want to leave off with a quote I saw on a friend’s facebook page this week that really seems perfect with what I am going through at this point in my life and I am drawing my strength from.

Someday everything will all make perfect sense,
So for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason.

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse



OMG I am back online.....

....for now at least. I am holding my breath.


Bear with me, I don't have my normal font and set up due to having to reformat my computer thanks to an arguement with my husband that went wrong. I have been without my computer for close about a month now and it was pure agony. My computer is my lifeline to the world and I have been lost without it. Thankfully I had my trusty Blackberry to tide me over till I could get my computer working again but it is nothing compared to my trusty desktop. Certainly harder to type on.


Thankfully I had a darling friend, my knight in shining armor so to speak come to my technicological aid by leaning me a video card to at least get me up and running again before I went mad from withdrawl. Natually I had to reformat which meant I lost EVERYTHING I had installed. So I have to reinstall all my fonts and blogging software and picture stuff. Not a fun task and my baby is still not running 100%. I have no sound and can't for the life of me figure out why. For some reason my soundcard isn't being detected. I wonder if it bite the big one along with my video card in the great battle for the CPU.


I learned not to try and play tug of war with a computer because the computer will get hurt. Sigh


So this past weekend was Canadian Thanksgiving. Normally we all head off to my MIL's for dinner and do the "family" thing for a day but this year because of what is going on with me and my husband I was uninvited to dinner. Apparantly my MIL doesn't feel comfortable around me and is worried I will make a scene and doesn't want her holiday ruined. So hubby (for some reason I don't entirely understand since he hates me right now) told his mother that we would be having Thanksgiving here if I wasn't welcome for dinner as well.


So Sunday I went off in search of fixings for our own Thanksgiving dinner. The first one in our own house since we were married 6 years ago. Armed with my cart I got everything I needed for one heck of a last minute turkey meal. I was pretty proud of the result seeing as the last time I cooked a turkey my son was 2 years old. *lol* The great thing about cooking your own Thanksgiving feast is you get the keep all the leftovers. That is one thing I missed about going to the in-laws. No turkey for weeks on end.


I am looking forward to making people drool at work tomorrow with my yummy leftovers. What can I say... *lol*


So I am am crossing my fingers and toes in the hopes my computer doesn't crap out on me again. Mind you the saying "A clean house is a sign of a broken computer" is indeed true. I actually managed to purge a bunch of junk and organize stuff. I actually braved my son's room. Isn't it wonderful when you tell your children to clean their rooms and then you go in and discover they just hid everything instead of actually cleaning it. I opened my son's closet and a mountain of crap fell on top of me. Now I know what my mother felt like when I cleaned my room when I was his age. Karma's a biatch *lol*


I am sure my mother is rofling over this.


Oh and I discovered my son wasn't going to school. Steam came out of my ears as I left work to go home and drag his butt into school. This is the conversation I had with him upon reaching home.

Me: "Why aren't you going to school?"


The Boy: "Because"


Me: "that is not an acceptable answer, now why aren't you going to school"


The Boy: "We aren't learning anything new and school is for learning so why should I go if I am not going to learn anything new"


Me: dumbfounded expression, because how do you argue with that? The kid has a point to a certian extent. I hate when he does stuff like that.

So now I am paying him to go to school, only a $1 day but if he misses a day without my knowledge he forfeits the money for the week (the last part was his idea and I wasn't going to argue). I am sure there are some parents out there ready to tar and feather me over this but the way I see it is school is their job just like I have to go to work every day. This also teaches him responsibility for when he finally does come to the age where he is working. I find too many young people have no work ethic.


My son is very excited about the prospect of getting paid to go to school. He is already calculating how many days it will take to get the latest video game he wants and whatever else he can think of. I think it is an amazing way to teach him about money and earning it and how to spend it wisely. I will keep you all updated on if this experiment works or blows up in my face. Only time will tell.


Hugs and kisses from the Madhouse


Arawynn <3

Time sure does fly…

Well here I am one year later. What a year it has been. I am actually surprised at how quick it snuck up on me.
This week last year was one of the worse weeks in my entire life, to that point at least. I had my miscarriage this time last year. I still remember the pain and anguish I suffered after losing the baby I so desperately wanted. I didn’t think I would ever get past that feeling. However I am here a year later and I am doing pretty well. Mind you my world is currently falling down around me but I am remarkably handling it well. I give a lot of credit to my meds for that.
My 6th wedding anniversary is this coming weekend. Yup last year I wasn’t really in the mood to celebrate our wedding anniversary after spending most of the week in and out of the hospital and grieving . This year I still don’t feel much like celebrating. That is a large part to do with the fact that my husband has decided he doesn’t want to be with me anymore. He fell in love with a tramp from El Paso that he met on an online social gaming site that is pretty much a bed of cheating spouses and crazy people.
I will probably spend the next little while getting some things out that I had bottled up over the last few months. I realize that it was eating me alive so I have decided to pour that excess energy into this blog. I will try and keep the bitchfest to a minimum but I expect a lot of changes to be happening with me and my son in the next little while. So bare with me and maybe I will get through it in one piece.
My family doctor did tell me she is quite impressed with my coping abilities. She said going through something like I have can drive a fully functioning, normal person around the bend. Here I am trying to get through my severe depression only to discover the person I am supposed to count on he decided to check out.
But it wouldn’t be the madhouse without everything going to hell in a hand basket at the same time. I have learned to live my life in chaos. Should I have expected anything less?  So here I am embarking on a new journey to discovery.
I am not attempting to find myself but I will be doing my damnedest to create who I want to be. I am tired of waiting for someone else. I am jumping in and going to enjoy the ride.
Hugs and Kisses from the Madhouse

Down the rabbit hole….

Having a hard time making time to sit down and type out my thoughts lately. Would help if they weren’t all over the place like a bunny on speed. To be quite honest, I have often felt like Alice after falling down the rabbit hole and having the Queen of Hearts chasing me shouting “OFF WITH HER HEAD!!!!” at full volume. It is amazing how quickly a fairytale can turn into a nightmare. *sigh*
In an attempt to quiet the craziness that is my mind I had gone to see my family physician about anxiety medication. Zoloft here I come. As much as I loathe the idea of being on medication I came to the conclusion I needed something to deal with the increased panic attacks I had been experiencing, and depression I have been feeling since my miscarriage last fall. I have to say for the first time in a decade I feel like I can finally breathe again. It is an amazing feeling to be sure. On that note however it has also made me very aware of things I just refused to acknowledge previously, whether it be denial or just too preoccupied with what was going on inside my own mind, I just didn’t see. I saw my doctor again yesterday for a follow up appointment and a mini marriage therapy session with the hubby and she feels I am in need of a stronger dose. I was definitely not thrilled with the prospect but I am tired of feeling like crap and scared of feeling. My marriage is suffering terribly for it and it breaks my heart. 
So I am currently working on fixing me and finding some happiness in this crazy, chaotic world we live in. I sincerely hope that my marriage can survive this. My doctor said she sees a lot of love, honesty and respect  between us and while she says we do have issues they are nothing that can’t be fixed and our marriage become stronger as a result.
They say that God doesn’t give you more than you can handle. I have no idea who “they” are but I sometimes wish he didn’t have so much confidence in me.  This past year has been pretty hard on me, actually the past 12 years have been pretty hard on me. Such is the life of a young parent. Would I change any of it? Not for a second, I love my husband and adore our son. Have I had periods where I imagined how my life could have been different? Naturally, but what if’s are a dangerous thing and usually when those thoughts creep into my mind they fade quite quickly when my son comes up and hugs me and says “I love you mom”.  There is no greater feeling in the world. He was unplanned but he is very much loved and wanted.
In closing I will share something I came across on one of my Facebook friend’s status today.

People were created to be loved.
Things were created to be used.
The reason why the world is in CHAOS,
is because things are being loved,
and people are being used.

It definitely is food for thought. I have often felt this way in regards to both my husband and some of my friends. I am probably guilty of it sometimes myself. My husband often comments that I can’t throw anything out and I am a packrat. I always said it is sentimental reasons and paranoia stemming from my childhood of losing everything I own. But things can be replaced, the people you love, however, can’t be. I think in the coming weeks I will finally tackle the job I have been dreading for a long while now. Going through all my stuff and getting rid of things I don’t need. Maybe then my madhouse won’t be so maddening.

Until next time….

HUGS AND KISSES

Canada Day…

Well it is July… and a long weekend. Who can complain about that?
Canada Day was July 1, and it was a gorgeous day for a birthday party  =D  My son woke me up pretty early, chatting away about video games and whatnot. I frequent occurrence in our household. *lol* Hubby had wanted to get up early and hit up the movie theatre for some Transformer 3 3D action. We figured it being Canada Day and all that everyone would be heading downtown for the festivities and the theatre would be pretty empty. There were throngs of people heading downtown in a sea of red and white. It was nice to know we were heading in the opposite direction to the crowd for celebrators.
Don’t get me wrong, I love this great country we live in. I do not, however, enjoy large groups of people. They tend to make me anxious and I prefer to avoid it as much as humanly possible. =P
The theatre was surprisingly busy, seems others had the same idea as us. The girl that served us at the concession stand definitely didn’t seem to want to be there however. She reminded me of an angry Cindy Lou Who. 3D glasses and food in hand we headed off to claim our seats. Transformers 3 was AWESOME. We all enjoyed it very much and would love to see it again. Shia LaBeouf was extremely Yummilious. It is a rare occasion where we see a movie and all three of us are happily entertained. After the movie we headed to a Pub close to the theatre and split a tray of nachos between the three of us and some drinks, water for the boy obviously. *lol* Just relaxing in the shade and enjoying the day.

Getting home from the theatre was an adventure to be sure. Seems there was still quite a line to head downtown. Half naked girls and painted guys stood in line at the bus stop. There was one group of guys who were pretty riled up and obnoxious. I spotted one of them drinking a beer. We ended up taking a long way home to avoid the packed buses heading downtown. It is amazing the people you will meet on the bus. A group of teenage boys got on the bus at one point. They were all decked out and ready to go celebrate. I was chatting with my son when I hear behind me “Why does there have to be so many bus stops?” Oh I fear for the future when I hear things like this. My son shook his head and chuckled since he had heard the comment too.
When the sun started to go down, and armed with cameras, we headed to a nearby park where they hold a firework display every year. The park was packed full of people awaiting the light show. Thankfully this year the weather was fairly cooperative, unlike previous years. I love how the lights across the river play on the river in the dark. So pretty. My son recorded the fireworks but I have misplaced his USB cord so I couldn’t transfer it off the camera so I will share a pic I took with one of my cameras. Still trying to get the timing right with my firework setting on my camera *lol*  Happy Birthday Canada =D

Hugs and Kisses,