The New Year has come....

2014 was rung in by me in tears at the realization things would not be working out how I had hoped they would.  It was a year of much reflection and change after Baker-gate. The first six months of last year was spent in anger and resentment but the second half of the year brought much happiness and joy which I hope will continue well into 2015. 

Some highlights to 2014 were participating in my first cosplay, enjoying a stay-cation, and even attended my first Pagan Fest where I met quite a lot of wonderful people as a result. I even have plans to attend this coming year's fest. 

I have made some wonderful friends and have creating many warm memories and look forward to 2015 with joy and happiness. 

The teen also celebrated a milestone birthday. 

Sensational Sixteen !!!!

I am not much of a baker so store bought cupcakes had to do. He didn't seem to notice as he devoured them. I can't believe he will be considered an adult in only 2 short years. I still remember holding him for the first time in my arms, like it was yesterday. My how quickly they grow. 

Another big highlight of 2014 in the Madhouse is that I met someone. Yes, you read that correctly and I couldn't be happier. 

In the first half of 2014 I didn't think I would ever trust another male with my heart. Was so tired of the games and the headaches that came with guys that couldn't make up their minds what they wanted or who they wanted. I took a step back and really thought about what I wanted and what it was about my past relationships that I liked and didn't like. 

I knew I needed to be more vocal about what I wanted and not just sit back and try and become what I thought the guy I was interested in wanted. This was a huge thing for me after being a people pleaser most of my life. I asked a guy out that I had been interested in for a while and was secretly hoping would ask me out. I got tired of waiting so I asked and he said No. He wasn't interested in dating anyone at this point in his life. The old me would have been devastated and crawled back to my bedroom and cried for weeks. However this time I chose to accept his no gracefully and didn't let it get me down. 

I have read so many articles on what you should say and shouldn't say. If you should ask or shouldn't ask a guy first and so on. Bother that, I was tired of waiting for the guys to get up the courage to ask me out. If a guy can't handle a girl that is confident enough to see what she wants and go for it then they aren't really someone I want to be with. I was tired of only seeming to attract the guys that wanted hook ups instead of relationships. I was in charge of how I felt and I wasn't going to accept that is all I was good for. 

I did meet my guy (let's call him Sweetie, since I do), on a dating site. I have friends that have had success with this and decided to give it one last chance and I am glad I did. I had some terrible experiences with dating sites in the past which made me want to pull out my hair. Dating sites can be like clam digging, you have to dig through the wet sand to get that precious clam, which may hold a pearl within it's shell. Persistence and patience pays off.  

Sweetie is a Doctor Who fan (among other awesome shows) as well, which is just brilliant. I made him a Fourth Doctor scarf for Christmas which he loved. Since both of us are goofballs we had to take a picture with the ridiculously long scarf. I am seriously thinking of knitting myself one as well since it is a very warm scarf, until then I have no problem snuggling up to Sweetie when he is wearing his. *grin*

Comfy, cozy, cuddly, soft 

2014 may have started off badly but it sure ended well. I am grateful for all the experiences I had, good or bad. So far 2015 has started with much joy and happiness and I look forward to all the marvelous adventures to be had this coming year. 

What better way to ring in the New Year
then wearing my Doctor Who Clock shirt :)

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year and may your cups overflow with prosperity, love and cheer. Blessed be. 

Hugs and Smoochies

<3 Arawynn <3 

Balance....

.......in life and relationships. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking since my marriage ended. Maybe that is a good thing, sometimes I wonder if it might be a bad thing. I have a nasty habit of over thinking which causes me a lot of issues in my life. I am sure there are many people out there that do the same. 

How do you find balance? It has been a question I have been asking myself for years. Not sure if I am any closer to answering that question, however. 

Currently I have been thinking about finding a balance in what you are looking for in a partner. Have you ever had such chemistry with someone only to discover weeks later, after the sexual chemistry has slowed down, that the person is dull and you have nothing to talk about? Or you meet a great guy and can talk for hours but you don't feel physical attraction for them. 

Over the last two and a half years I have had a few encounters with men. Some I have been interested in but they weren't interested in me other than a trying to get into my pants. Some have been interested in me but I just couldn't see a relationship with them because I just wasn't interested in them sexually. Hey, it happens. 

I have heard the typical phrases like, "he is a really nice guy, he has his own house, a car and a good job, you'll be perfect together", "You're too picky, you'll never find a guy" etc etc, from well meaning friends. 

First off, the first thing I look for in a man isn't whether he has a house, car or some other material possessions. Are they nice to have, sure but not mandatory for me to consider him as a prospective mate. That being said, I am not able to settle for someone I don't mesh with just because he has possessions and "will take care of me", either. This isn't the 50s. 

I am not looking for someone that is just fantastic in the bedroom and we have nothing to talk about or in common enough to spend time with outside said bedroom, either. I have been there done that and do not care to repeat it. 

Sexual chemistry fades over time. I firmly believe you have to have something in common enough outside the bedroom because you can't always have sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship, to a point. It shouldn't be the end all and be all of a relationship. I have had a relationship or two where I got along great outside the bedroom with the person but I found myself unsatisfied when it came to the bedroom. 

I am looking for someone that has a balance between the two. I have yet to find such a man. I thought I had with Baker but that didn't pan out so I am still on my search for the person I can spend time with, have a family with and grow old with. I spent 16 years in a relationship that I wasn't particularly happy in. I muddled through because I thought it was what I needed to do. I thought that is all I was good enough for. I was wrong. 

It was hard admitting to myself that I hadn't been happy. Once I did though it was like a huge weight had been lifted and I could move on with finding happiness. 

Yes I am in my thirties with a teenage son but I am not giving up hope. When people tell me I am being too picky or tell me I am not getting younger I smile and thank them for their advice. I don't want to settle just to make other people happy because it makes them uncomfortable to see me single. 

I did so many things in my life to make other people happy while making myself unhappy in the process and I don't want to do that any longer. No one should have to feel like they need to settle just because someone else says they should. 

Do what makes you happy. Be what you want to be. Live how you want to live. If people complain about what you do it is their issue not yours. 

I know there is someone out there for me and I am not giving up. I just know I am not going to settle any longer. He will come along when the time it right. Until then I just have to do what makes me happy and live my life and have faith it will happen for me. 

HUGS AND SMOOCHIES 

<3 ARAWYNN <3