Comfort Zone...

...I am no longer in you. 

Recently I made a huge trip out of my comfort zone. I don't usually venture too far from the Madhouse. I like familiar. Familiar is safe to me. While I don't have a particular routine (since I dislike routine) I like to be places that I know. So it was shocking to me as well as people that know me, when I up and decided to fly to Alberta recently, to visit an old ex from high school. 

Back in September I received a message from an old love from high school, asking how I was doing. We hadn't spoken in almost twenty years after a very bad break up. I was shocked to receive a message from him but at the same time it made me smile. I had been thinking of him quite a bit prior to that message, actually. He asked if he could call me and instead of hesitating like I normally would I gave him my number. Hearing his voice again put a smile on my face. I was a little surprised at how easy it was to talk to him after such a long time. It was like no time had passed. 

We started talking regularly after that. Remembering a lot of the stupid crap we had done in high school. Sharing what has been going on with the last twenty years. He has relocated to Alberta and after a few weeks of talking he asked if I would go out to visit him. He thought I could use the vacation since things have been pretty tense in the Madhouse, as of late. 

It was completely crazy but I agreed to go out to visit. I have several friends in Calgary and I have never been past Ontario so I would see something new. People that know me well, know how terrified of flying I am. So getting on a plane to fly out to Calgary was definitely something I wouldn't normally do. 

I had been told by so many people that I was crazy and shouldn't go. Normally I would have talked myself out of going and that it was crazy and irresponsible to just up and decide to go flying across the country to see someone you hadn't seen since you were in high school but this time I didn't have that. Somehow I knew it was the right thing to do and I would definitely regret it if I didn't go. 

I arranged for the teen to stay at a friend's house while I was away and I boarded a plane bound for Calgary. I was nervous but calm at the same time. It would be the longest I was ever away from the teen. I have only travelled alone once prior to this trip. I had to change planes in Toronto which I have NEVER done before. I prefer to fly direct whenever possible when I manage to get on a plane. I was pretty nervous about it but I made my connection and finally ended up in Calgary. 

It was great to see (let's call him) Baker, again. It was so strange being there and I kept staring at him because I couldn't believe I was there. I never do things like this. Definitely out of my comfort zone. I was there for about five days. So much went wrong while I was there but I had a fantastic time anyway. It was strange because normally when things go wrong I freak out but I just went with it this time and had a great time. 

Neo and I took a day trip to Banff and had a fantastic day walking around and snapping pictures. I was absolutely in love with the mountains. 

It was a fantastic trip and I actually didn't want it to end. It definitely got me out of my comfort zone and I learned to just go with the flow. A new thing for me, to be sure. I do believe now that the person you are with can determine your own reactions. If you are with someone that you have to be on guard with all the time you are going to be on edge and jumpy all the time. 

Neo is definitely someone that I can be relaxed with so I found myself very relaxed and easy going with him. He had actually said he found me easy going and I laughed because most people think I am far from easy going. 

I have been back from Calgary for a month now. Baker and I have been talking pretty much every day. We are getting to know each other again. Much has changed with both of us over the last twenty years. He knew me before I was broken and I have been trying to put myself back together over the last two years, as he has since his recent break up. I have no idea what is in store for the both of us in the future but right now we are taking things slowly. Both of us have been hurt a great deal and have become a little jaded when it comes to our hearts. 

For the first time in a long time I am actually hopeful. Only time will tell now. Until then I will continue trying to step out of my comfort zone. Yes there is a chance things can go horribly wrong but you are actually living. It is an awesome feeling. 

Hugs and Smoochies from The Madhouse

<3 Arawynn <3 

The Fox and the Raven...

Recently I attended a Charity Ball in the city where my Madhouse is located. The theme was The Spirit Within and you were to dress up as an animal. When I first found out it was an Animal theme I got excited. I immediately thought about dressing up like a cat but somehow knew this would be a popular costume so I began to look for inspiration. 

While walking through my local dollar store I spotted some masquerade masks in the party section. They were butterflies and I have a weakness for butterflies so I started to look through the selection of masks and came across this beautiful mask. 

I was immediately taken with it and had to buy it. I decided then that I was going to be a Silver and Black Fox. I got to work brainstorming on how to make this costume possible. I knew I was going to be in need of a tail and being the frugal lady that I am I knew I wanted to make it myself rather than buy it. So I set to work researching how to's on fox tail making. I was surprised with the amount out there. I ended up settling on making it out of yarn. It seemed to look more realistic to the faux fur and definitely a lot cheaper. More elbow grease to getting it made but I am not afraid of a challenge. 

It took me about two weeks to complete, working a little each night on it. There is a lot of work involved but I think it is totally worth it. For the tutorial I used click here

This was taken after my party, it held together very nicely :)

My friend and I had a blast. He did a great job on his costume as well. He chose to go as a Raven. 

Quote the Raven "Nevermore"

He was very proud of his mask. He purchased a plain mask and added all the feathers to it and even included a blood tear. He did a fabulous job. 

One Foxy Lady off to the Ball

There was a photo booth so Raven and I had our picture taken together. Yes I am know I am freakishly short. I tend to think of myself as fun-sized as opposed to short. Much more interesting, I think. 

There was much dancing and fun to be had. We both had our Tarot cards read. I was quite surprised at my reading this year. When I first sat down she chose a stone for me to hold. She handed me a Rose Quartz. She explained that I needed to accept love and I was having trouble doing that and Rose Quartz would help me with it. She said something was in the works with a man, someone intelligent and I need to just accept love. This will make me extremely happy. She also said I have a lot of people telling me negative things about the situation with this mystery man. She told me to not let them get to me. This is a good thing in the works and to take their negative comments and release them with love. 

I was stunned as was Raven. He is pretty much my best friend so he knows all about the guy I have recently reconnected with and had been talking to since September and who I was planning a trip to see in November. I had been wondering if I should make the trek out to visit him. I had asked several people what they thought and pretty much everyone thought I was mad and trying to convince me that it wasn't a good idea. This reading however, confirmed how I felt and it was the right thing to do. 

Raven had his cards read as well. I think it was pretty accurate for him. I had my very first Tarot card reading with the same lady a year prior. I was so happy to see she was there again and we were able to have her read us. 

All in all it was a great night. Raven actually ended up befriending a lady he met there. Maybe there is a love connection in the works there. I am hoping for my own to develop. I am so glad he was able to make it. It was nice to hang out with someone not trying to get into my pants all the time. Sometimes I wonder about men. 

We did find it highly amusing that we had ended up being a Aesop Fable. If you are unaware of the story of the Fox and the Raven please click here.  There was no cheese harmed in the making of this blog post :P 

I am actually looking forward to next year. That is if the Madhouse is still in it's current local. You never know what tomorrow will bring. 

What did the Fox Say? 

Hugs and Smoochies of course ^.~

<3 Arawynn <3 

Obsessed With Making Hats.

Recently I have gotten the urge to knit. Possibly due to the cooler weather. *lol* 

I recently started talking to a guy whom I found out likes both Firefly and Doctor Who. I did a little squee dance with this info and decided I was going to knit him a Jayne Hat. Those of you that love Firefly will immediately know what I am referring to, those of you who don't know can find out Here. 

So all excited I went on a search of the interwebs to track down a pattern to use. Needless to say I was dizzy with the results found and ended up basically having to create one using trial and error. I had a basic hat pattern but not the size of yarn or needle size required to make said hat, so I proceeded to alter the pattern using maths. Long story short I ended up with a hat that was more sized for a small child than an adult male. What to do? Well send it to a friend for her son for Halloween, of course. 

This little beauty will hopefully make a very adorable little boy, very happy, as well as his geek girl mama. 

Sent that hat off and realized I had to start another one so back to the drawing board I went. Managed to actually make the proper size around and went on my merry way. I got to the yellow part and realized that I didn't have enough of it to finish off the hat *FUDGE* so off to the store I went a couple of days later looking for something similar. Figuring it being fall there would be lots of yellows to choose from. Not so. Everything was either too dark or too bright and pastel. Which would not work with the hat. I did manage to find something very similar to the colour I had and bought it. I had been to several stores already at this point to find something. Thankfully there isn't that much of the hat that needed to be done in the other colour. 

So this is the beauty I ended up with. Not bad, seeing as it is the second hat that I have knit that wasn't infant sized. 

For the next hat I make I am going to make the flaps a tad smaller. Still very happy with how it turned out. Hope my friend likes it. 

And of course I couldn't stop there. I have been bitten by the knitting bug and wanted to knit some more. I was surprised once I had the proper size figured out, how easy and quickly I could knit up a hat. I went into my yarn stash and looked for inspiration. Imagine my glee when I discovered blue yarn, very similar in colour to the TARDIS from Doctor Who. Well that got the juices flowing and I decided to knit up a Doctor Who hat. So I ended up with this little beauty. 

It isn't exactly the way I had envisioned it. Think I might embroider some window bars on it. Or possibly knit another hat so I can have the Police Box embroidered on it. A girl can never have enough hats, can she? 

The teen has put in a request for a hat. He doesn't want to have a Jayne hat or a TARDIS hat, though. Thinking on finding some green yarn and making him a creeper hat. :) 

I wear a hat now...Hats are cool!

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

<3 Arawynn <3

Giving Thanks...

HAPPY THANKSGIVING CANADA

Today is Thanksgiving in Canada. A time to count your blessings and spend time with family and friends. The teen and I  celebrated Thanksgiving yesterday with turkey meatloaf instead of the typical turkey dinner. The teen informed me he didn't actually like turkey so it was ok if I didn't make a huge deal and cooked a turkey and all the fixings. Me being the turkey lover that I am, decided to go with a turkey meatloaf, garlic mashed potatoes and sweet corn. What can I say I need my turkey. I followed the directions found here and I do have to say it turned out amazing. The teen gobbled it up. He seemed shocked to find out it was actually turkey and stuffing. He doesn't like either but he said he really enjoyed the meatloaf I made using both. Definitely will be trying this again. Maybe it will become a tradition in the Madhouse. It was definitely a lot less stress then a huge dinner and seeing that it was only the teen and myself it doesn't seem logical to make a gigantic turkey and all the fixings. 

I am grateful every day for all the blessings brought my way but being as it is Thanksgiving up here I will say thanks for all that is in my life, both good and bad. The bad times help us appreciate the good. I am blessed. 

It has been a struggle at times for me to be grateful because in the past I have concentrated more on what we didn't have then what we do have. Been working very hard on changing this mindset and I do have to say I am much happier when I don't think about what we don't have. We have a home, we have food, we have clothing and friends and family that love us and that we love as well. I am grateful for my son, my job and my creativity. 

I am also thankful for reconnecting with someone from my past. I have laughed so much over the last few weeks and honestly made me believe anything is possible. I am blessed to have him in my life. Every moment is precious. 

I hope all Canadians, no matter where you are in the world, are having a very Happy Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for this holiday? 

Blessings from The Madhouse 

<3 Arawynn <3 

No Means No!!!!!

Hey all. Hope you are all having a terrific week. I have been having a pretty decent week so far. I am feeling grateful for all that has been given to me and even for some of the not so great things that have been given to me. 

They say that everything happens for a reason. To find the good in every situation, even the bad ones and, insert any random cliched quote here, on and on. I have been making a conscience effort to try and be more positive since my marriage exploded. At times it has been very, very trying. I have been managing as best as I can which is all I can really expect. However; saying that, I do have to say it has been one crazy, trip when it comes to men and dating, or not dating. 

I am learning that there is a lesson to be learned in any situation, whether it be good or bad. This past month I have been doing a lot of soul searching, re-evaluating past relationships and looking at them in a different light, so to speak. Trying to change the thoughts from "I'm not/wasn't good enough" to "I am worthy". Seeing where I possibly went wrong and what was there to learn from the failed relationship. 

I won't go into all the gory details but I do have to say thank you to OC Casanova, who showed me that I should be proud of my geekiness. and that I need to work on my boundary settings and sticking with them. Thank you to Goth guy for helping me discover that I am not a casual fun kind of girl and I want a real relationship and not just friends with benefits. TO showed me that someone could want to just spend time with me without having the goal of getting in my pants. That I was worth spending time getting to know and showing me that I was beautiful and wonderful. I will be forever thankful for his friendship. I am thankful to Stittsville for showing me that I shouldn't live in the past and there are two sides to every story. 

A big thank you to my ex for showing me that I am stronger than he gave me credit for. I am capable of making decisions on my own and get things paid and the teen fed. He showed me how to appreciate what really matters and what doesn't. 

Now I come to the entire point of my post. I recently had a guy I know tell me that it is not his fault he can't keep his hands to himself when around me because I am too hot and he can't help himself. SAY WHAT?????? 

I saw red with this statement, trying to wrap my head around it. I felt like he was basically saying what rapists say about woman asking for it because of how they dressed. Even if a woman was walking around naked in front of a man, it did not mean he had the right to touch her or have sex with her because she was naked. It is called self control. It totally burns my buns when I hear comments like "She was asking for it because of how she dressed" or "she is a flirt and wanted it". Why should woman suffer because some men have no self control? Also some men seem to mistake politeness as an invitation for sex. Since when has politeness meant you wanted to sleep with a person? I have seriously had guys think this. It boggles the mind, I tells ya. 

NO MEANS NO! Period. 

He can't help himself because I am "too hot" Oh please. I have told him time and time again not to make advances toward me. Sometimes I wonder if he gets off on it. I have said No nicely, I have said No firmly, I have said No in down right hell b*tch style and he comes out with this "I'm too hot and he can't control himself around me" (insert eye roll here) I weep for humanity if this is male mentality. 

He didn't see what the big deal was, actually thought it was a compliment. To me it shows he has no respect for me as person. 

How would you react if someone told you that they couldn't help but try to manhandle you because you were too hot? 

I am not even sure where to begin with trying to figure out the lesson to be learned in this. I am sure in time it will come. For now I am content to be grateful for the lessons I have learned already and for the lessons I will learn in the future. 

Hugs and Smoochies, 

from the Madhouse 

<3 Arawynn <3 

Doctor Who Hair Sticks...

I have been bitten by the crafting bug lately and most of my ideas seem to be revolving around Doctor Who. I love Doctor Who. I remember being spooked by the Classic Doctor Who music when I was really young. I did watch the 8th Doctor in reruns when I was pregnant for my son and home alone all day. 

I really got into the series with it's reboot ( I know, I know there are many that don't view it as a reboot but as a continuation) and I have seen every episode several times since. I loved 10 and Rose and then Rory and Amy and The Doctor and River Song. I am so looking forward to the 50th Anniversary episode and seeing both Matt Smith and David Tennant  together in one episode. It should be epic. 

To get in the spirit and show my Whovian Pride. I decided to make something that I can wear. Nothing to drastic since I don't want to scare my co-workers more than I already have with my decorations. I decided to make some hair sticks to stick in my hair, when I am wearing it up. Best part is they can double as weapons if someone attacks. I am all for multi-purposed items. ^.~ 

I have already posted a somewhat how-to over on Cut Out & Keep. Feel free to head over and check it out, Here

Action Shot

View from the front

Up close and personal

Bow ties and Fezes are cool :) 

I am pretty proud of them. I hand painted both while I watched a Harry Potter marathon with "the teen" a couple of weekends ago. I am bad at actually getting things up and posted in a quick time frame. Usually because something in the madhouse distracts me. Like the sudden urge to paint chopsticks up so I can wear them in my hair :P  

My next plan is to make TARDIS curtains for "the teen's" room. They replaced our windows so I had to take down his old curtains and decided they needed to be updated. 

Other Doctor Who projects I have made are "the teen's" birthday cake last year. As shown here. Not my finest work, but still pretty cool. 

There will be more geekery crafts to come. Please check back often :) 

For now I must go do domestic things. Still wishing for my fairy godmother to come and take care of all the chores so I can go to the fancy dress ball. Someday....until then...

Hugs and Smoochies 

<3 Arawynn <3

I am Woman, Hear me RAWR!

Hi all. I know I have been a bad girl and not been updating as much as I should. Things in the Madhouse have been absolutely crazy. More so then usual. 

Over the last while I have been to see The Rocky Horror Picture Show in a theatre, complete with shadow cast. It was an amazing experience and I am so glad the wonderful Amy Jane invited us all to experience it with her in her final days in this fair city. I have to say the shadow cast was pretty awesome too, but finally getting to see Tim Curry in all his glory on the big screen was awesome. I would have his children if I could, but I digress. 

I have been doing some organizing in the Madhouse. It is in desperate need of it. The inmates are growing restless with all the chaos. I have been purging, as well, which my inner hoarder is irritated with but I am trying this new thing out and trying to find my Zen. So far it has been working. A slow process, but I will get there. 

I have started daily affirmations to change the negativity my mind tends to gravitate towards. Mostly at night, prior to heading off to dreamland. I have to say they have been helping. I wake up in the morning feeling much better and greatly refreshed. 

I have been learning to count my blessings each and every day. Focusing less on what I don't have and more on what I do have. Learning to let go of things I no longer need and no longer serves a purpose in my life. Something I have always struggled with but I do have to say my mood has greatly improved over the last few months and that makes me feel content. 

I have been trying new things. Again something completely out of character for me. I am a creature of habit, for the most part, and I have been making a conscience effort to take myself out of my safe bubble and explore this amazing world we live in. 

I have tried Pad Thai and discovered I love it. I have learned to use a drill and  I have begun to learn Tai Chi. I learned a few weeks ago that I have arthritis in my knees but I am not letting that discourage me in the least. I have so much to live for. 

Last but certainly not least, "the teen" is doing well. He and I have been spending a lot of quality time together. He still seems to insist on his vampire tendencies of not going out in daylight so I have begun to find ways to get vitamin D into him. What is it with teenagers and sleeping all day and being up all night? Mind you I was the exact same way in high school. Must run in the family. 

In the words of John Lennon ~ Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans. ~

I am living in the moment, as much as I can. The past it gone and the future has yet to arrive. The present is here and it is indeed a gift. I am blessed. 

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

<3 Arawynn <3