The New Year has come....

2014 was rung in by me in tears at the realization things would not be working out how I had hoped they would.  It was a year of much reflection and change after Baker-gate. The first six months of last year was spent in anger and resentment but the second half of the year brought much happiness and joy which I hope will continue well into 2015. 

Some highlights to 2014 were participating in my first cosplay, enjoying a stay-cation, and even attended my first Pagan Fest where I met quite a lot of wonderful people as a result. I even have plans to attend this coming year's fest. 

I have made some wonderful friends and have creating many warm memories and look forward to 2015 with joy and happiness. 

The teen also celebrated a milestone birthday. 

Sensational Sixteen !!!!

I am not much of a baker so store bought cupcakes had to do. He didn't seem to notice as he devoured them. I can't believe he will be considered an adult in only 2 short years. I still remember holding him for the first time in my arms, like it was yesterday. My how quickly they grow. 

Another big highlight of 2014 in the Madhouse is that I met someone. Yes, you read that correctly and I couldn't be happier. 

In the first half of 2014 I didn't think I would ever trust another male with my heart. Was so tired of the games and the headaches that came with guys that couldn't make up their minds what they wanted or who they wanted. I took a step back and really thought about what I wanted and what it was about my past relationships that I liked and didn't like. 

I knew I needed to be more vocal about what I wanted and not just sit back and try and become what I thought the guy I was interested in wanted. This was a huge thing for me after being a people pleaser most of my life. I asked a guy out that I had been interested in for a while and was secretly hoping would ask me out. I got tired of waiting so I asked and he said No. He wasn't interested in dating anyone at this point in his life. The old me would have been devastated and crawled back to my bedroom and cried for weeks. However this time I chose to accept his no gracefully and didn't let it get me down. 

I have read so many articles on what you should say and shouldn't say. If you should ask or shouldn't ask a guy first and so on. Bother that, I was tired of waiting for the guys to get up the courage to ask me out. If a guy can't handle a girl that is confident enough to see what she wants and go for it then they aren't really someone I want to be with. I was tired of only seeming to attract the guys that wanted hook ups instead of relationships. I was in charge of how I felt and I wasn't going to accept that is all I was good for. 

I did meet my guy (let's call him Sweetie, since I do), on a dating site. I have friends that have had success with this and decided to give it one last chance and I am glad I did. I had some terrible experiences with dating sites in the past which made me want to pull out my hair. Dating sites can be like clam digging, you have to dig through the wet sand to get that precious clam, which may hold a pearl within it's shell. Persistence and patience pays off.  

Sweetie is a Doctor Who fan (among other awesome shows) as well, which is just brilliant. I made him a Fourth Doctor scarf for Christmas which he loved. Since both of us are goofballs we had to take a picture with the ridiculously long scarf. I am seriously thinking of knitting myself one as well since it is a very warm scarf, until then I have no problem snuggling up to Sweetie when he is wearing his. *grin*

Comfy, cozy, cuddly, soft 

2014 may have started off badly but it sure ended well. I am grateful for all the experiences I had, good or bad. So far 2015 has started with much joy and happiness and I look forward to all the marvelous adventures to be had this coming year. 

What better way to ring in the New Year
then wearing my Doctor Who Clock shirt :)

Wishing everyone a very Happy New Year and may your cups overflow with prosperity, love and cheer. Blessed be. 

Hugs and Smoochies

<3 Arawynn <3 

A weekend of Geekery and Awesome

As promised I am sharing my experience of my local Comic Con. It has been about a month and things have calmed down a little for me to sit down and write. Been a busy bee over the last month. 

All Geeked up and ready to go ^.~

This is the second year we have attended. Last year we only managed to snag a pass for Friday and both The Teen and I have said that we wish we had been able to go the whole weekend because there is so much to see and do. 

This year I managed to buy the three day pass before it sold out. I bought the tickets back in February to make sure we didn't miss out like last year. Then it was just sitting and waiting for May to arrive and well make my costume. Of course like most things in my life, things went haywire and instead of actually having 2-3 months to sew my costume and put it together I ended up with about a week after all items were purchased and gathered. I know for next year to start collecting stuffs a lot sooner. 

We didn't end up going on the Friday because I had a double booking issue. Seems when I booked my first painting class, I had failed to take note of the day. I just knew I wanted to do that painting and it was only offered on that Friday evening. Usually it is offered on Wed instead which is not optional for me, but I digress. So there was just not enough time to actually see anything. Plus I still needed all possible time to work on my Alice dress. 

I actually ended up working through the night, after spending three hours learning to paint, and heading straight to Comic Con with no sleep for 24 hours at that point. Needless to say I was running on a combination of caffeine and adrenaline from lack of sleep and excitement. 

The costumes were amazing. I was so busy looking at everything to really snap many photos of other people, unfortunately. Another thing to make note of for next year. But I did have some pics snapped of me in my costume on the Saturday. It was awesome to have people come up and ask for a picture. 

Saturday was a complete madhouse. More than I am comfortable with, actually. I am not a fan of large groups, especially ones that completely invade personal space. Saturday was one of those types. The Teen did his best to stick with me as I dodged through the crowd, trying to escape the throng. We actually lost his father about five minutes in the door because even in three inch moon boots I am shorter than most and he blinked and I was gone. He should have followed the Doctor's Rules to not blink....just saying!

Eventually the crowd subsided and you could breath a little. Everywhere you looked you saw someone dressed up in all kinds of costumes.  Pictures being taken. Products being purchased. It was heaven for the geek inclined.

We ran into my brother and his wife and hung out chatting and getting our pics taken. Naturally we had to preserve the moment for family memories. 

A family that slays together stays together ^.~ 

We had a slashing good time on Saturday and went home completely exhausted. I actually fell asleep on the bus on the way home. I was amazed I managed to make it as long as I did with no sleep. I made it home and de-costumed and made my way into bed to rest for the next day. 

Sunday we set off without The Teen. Seemed he didn't like the crowds the day before and absolutely nothing would convince him to come with us so he stayed at home and we set off for another awesome day. 

Of course we had more time to stop and look at things this time round and I had to have my Doctor Who fix so off we went to the The Doctor Who exhibit. 

TARDIS and K-9 How AWESOME

Just part of the gang. 

Matt Smith in a waistcoat. *swoon* 

We went to the Robert Englund Q&A. I used to be terrified of this man when I was growing up but now that I am older I find him fascinating and he is extremely talented. I am so glad I got a chance to hear him speak. So many laughs were had. 

Surprise, she is back from the dead :P 

We finished off the day with a photo op with Sean Astin. I have had a crush on him since Goonies. I have seen almost all his movies and used to have his pictures hanging in my bedroom as a teen. I have always wanted to meet him and finally I was able to get my chance. 

I wasn't originally planning to get an autograph because our photo wasn't until almost closing but when we were in line for the photo a sign was posted for a discount to those in line that wanted to have their picture signed. Of course I had to jump at that chance and off to the signing area we headed with photos in hand. There was so much excitement. 

We watched Sean Astin battle Daleks while we were in line. It was awesome to watch. He did a Rudy run down the line which was so fun. He seems so down to earth and caring about his fans, which I love about him. 

The absolute best part of the day was when we were at the table and talking to him and he called me "Cute, little Dalek Girl" and then he paused and said "no that's not right". Obviously not a huge Doctor Who fan but he tried so I gave him points for that. Still.So.Cute. 

The weekend was pure awesomeness and I can't wait for next year. I went home a very happy, geek girl. Starting to think about what to do for next year's costume. *puts finger up to chin and ponders in deep thought*

Oh and always remember....

GOONIES NEVER SAY DIE!!!!!

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

<3 ARAWYNN <3

Mad Alice is in the House....

The Teen and I attended our local Comiccon  and I decided to attend as Mad Alice. The Teen introduced me to American McGee's Alice and Madness Returns a couple of years ago. I have always loved Alice in Wonderland and have to admit I was mildly disturbed when he first showed me the game shots online. 

I did discover there was something about the game that I loved. Maybe that it contained a darker element to it. It wasn't a typical flowery version of Alice. It was darker and more intense and I was drawn to that. So when tossing out ideas for costumes I fell on Mad Alice. 

This is my first foray into the world of cosplay, not counting Halloween. I wanted to make as much of the costume as possible. I am funny like that. So I started collecting pieces over the last few months, some of which I have posted already as teasers. I have been very fortunate to find awesome deals on things. I scoured the net looking for things to bring this costume together. Buying what I wasn't able to, or didn't have time to make myself. 

I made the dress myself, not using a pattern because I am risky like that. I had purchased a pattern for an Alice in Wonderland costume but I didn't have the time or patience to sit there and work out math to enlarge the pattern. So I decided to wing it using my sewing know-how and muddling through. I have always been told I tend to do things the hard way and this probably is a good example of this. 

It was an interesting experience, to say the least. My sewing machine died a couple of weeks before the con so I thankfully was able to borrow a machine from my co-worker. 

I basically traced a tank top I had (of course not calculating that the tank top was jersey, which stretches, and my dress material was not) and then made a full circle skirt from what I have learned making a 50s dress years ago. The sleeves I did use a pattern for since no alterations were required for those. The apron I pretty much whipped up. 

I had made stencils for the pocket symbols and used fabric medium with black acrylic paint to apply to the pockets. Sewed them on, reaching back to high school sewing class in pocket making, I might add. 

I had a bunch of fun splattering the red paint all over the pristine, white apron in my living room. Normally I cringe at messy clothing but how can you have a Mad Alice without a little blood splatter. So I laid out a drop cloth and got to work splashing droplets of red paint all over. By the end I was giggling like a little girl. It was fun to get messy. I had lost touch with that childlike wonder many moons ago. It was good to get back in touch. 

I also got back in touch with my childlike state of playing with clay. A statement piece of Alice's dress has to be her skull bow in the back. She also wears an Omega necklace around her neck. I knew I could make both so I set to work. It was good working with my hands and shaping things. 

The Teen would regularly check in on my progress and nod his approval. He seemed impressed and I got a few "that will work" as I went along. 

All in all it was an amazing experience. There was some blood, sweat and tears along the way but totally worth it and I am looking forward to next year and seeing what I can come up with. I do think I might give the steampunk outfit a stab *pun totally intended* 

I will be posting about the actual con in a day or two. Until then, Hugs and Smoochies from Mad Alice in the Madhouse 

<3 Arawynn <3

Out Damn Pox, Out I Say....

It would seem that Chicken Pox has descended upon the Madhouse this week. The Teen is absolutely, positively miserable right now. I feel for him. 

I didn't notice the spots until really late Tuesday night. Being that The Teen has asthma and it kicks up when he is sick I wasn't taking any chances so off to emergency we went (at the direction of the TeleHealth nurse, of course) 

We were there all night, in isolation seeing as they weren't sure what it was when we were triaged. After about five hours we finally saw a doctor who promptly looked him over and declared "It's not Chicken Pox, he probably just ate something new or came into contact with something and is having an allergic reaction". Blood work was done as well as swabs and off to home we went. 

I headed off to work after dropping The Teen off at home and honestly could have tried out for an extra on The Walking Dead. Felt like it too, but made it through the day. 

Got home to discover the rash had gotten worse. I was still convinced it was Chicken Pox even though the doctor had said it wasn't. Gave him some allergy meds and his antibotics and he headed off to bed after a very large bowl of chicken noodle soup (pretty much the only thing he will eat when he isn't feeling well) 

Woke up this morning and came downstairs to find him sitting on the couch looking absolutely miserable. You could seriously play connect the dots all over his body. I refrained, of course, would have been bad form and I am sure he would be less than amused. 

So I called our family doctor and was told she was booked solid for the day and was like "F*&K". I really wanted to get his checked. This momma bear doesn't like to see her cub not feeling well. The receptionist said the Doctor wasn't in yet, but would call back when she did come in and she had a chance to talk to her about it. 

I was so grateful to get a call saying that the doctor wanted him in and checked ASAP. So off to the doctor we went and within five seconds of walking in the room she declared it to definitely be Chicken Pox and was none too impressed to find out the hospital had passed it off as nothing more than an allergic reaction. 

Seems he could have had less of an outbreak had the hospital given him anti-viral meds when we took him in, instead of him now having a worse outbreak and miserable now. The teen was unimpressed, as was I. I get that hospitals can get crazy busy and the staff are often overworked but this isn't the first time we have gone in and been sent home only to have his condition worsen and him end up in the hospital when they could have done preventative measures to keep him from getting worse. 

I love my family doctor, she is amazing. She made room for him even though she was booked solid. She gave me the run down on what to do to alleviate some of his discomfort. Told me to what to look for, and when to call her back. Like I said she is amazing and we are so blessed to have her. 

The Teen is of course not too impressed with being told he has the Chicken Pox and can't really do anything but wait it out. All I keep hearing from him is how much it "SUCKS". I am praying for a speedy recovery for him. 

I have been doing a lot of disinfecting and taking immune boosting stuffs. Just a waiting game now till the healing begins.

So Out Damn Pox, Out I Say!

<3 Arawynn <3

Balance....

.......in life and relationships. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking since my marriage ended. Maybe that is a good thing, sometimes I wonder if it might be a bad thing. I have a nasty habit of over thinking which causes me a lot of issues in my life. I am sure there are many people out there that do the same. 

How do you find balance? It has been a question I have been asking myself for years. Not sure if I am any closer to answering that question, however. 

Currently I have been thinking about finding a balance in what you are looking for in a partner. Have you ever had such chemistry with someone only to discover weeks later, after the sexual chemistry has slowed down, that the person is dull and you have nothing to talk about? Or you meet a great guy and can talk for hours but you don't feel physical attraction for them. 

Over the last two and a half years I have had a few encounters with men. Some I have been interested in but they weren't interested in me other than a trying to get into my pants. Some have been interested in me but I just couldn't see a relationship with them because I just wasn't interested in them sexually. Hey, it happens. 

I have heard the typical phrases like, "he is a really nice guy, he has his own house, a car and a good job, you'll be perfect together", "You're too picky, you'll never find a guy" etc etc, from well meaning friends. 

First off, the first thing I look for in a man isn't whether he has a house, car or some other material possessions. Are they nice to have, sure but not mandatory for me to consider him as a prospective mate. That being said, I am not able to settle for someone I don't mesh with just because he has possessions and "will take care of me", either. This isn't the 50s. 

I am not looking for someone that is just fantastic in the bedroom and we have nothing to talk about or in common enough to spend time with outside said bedroom, either. I have been there done that and do not care to repeat it. 

Sexual chemistry fades over time. I firmly believe you have to have something in common enough outside the bedroom because you can't always have sex. Don't get me wrong, sex is important in a relationship, to a point. It shouldn't be the end all and be all of a relationship. I have had a relationship or two where I got along great outside the bedroom with the person but I found myself unsatisfied when it came to the bedroom. 

I am looking for someone that has a balance between the two. I have yet to find such a man. I thought I had with Baker but that didn't pan out so I am still on my search for the person I can spend time with, have a family with and grow old with. I spent 16 years in a relationship that I wasn't particularly happy in. I muddled through because I thought it was what I needed to do. I thought that is all I was good enough for. I was wrong. 

It was hard admitting to myself that I hadn't been happy. Once I did though it was like a huge weight had been lifted and I could move on with finding happiness. 

Yes I am in my thirties with a teenage son but I am not giving up hope. When people tell me I am being too picky or tell me I am not getting younger I smile and thank them for their advice. I don't want to settle just to make other people happy because it makes them uncomfortable to see me single. 

I did so many things in my life to make other people happy while making myself unhappy in the process and I don't want to do that any longer. No one should have to feel like they need to settle just because someone else says they should. 

Do what makes you happy. Be what you want to be. Live how you want to live. If people complain about what you do it is their issue not yours. 

I know there is someone out there for me and I am not giving up. I just know I am not going to settle any longer. He will come along when the time it right. Until then I just have to do what makes me happy and live my life and have faith it will happen for me. 

HUGS AND SMOOCHIES 

<3 ARAWYNN <3

Inspirational Stones....

 May the Luck o' the Irish be with you today and always. 

I have seen stones in stores for decoration purposes with a variety of words on them. I decided I wanted to have some of these stones at home, in a place where I could see them, or pick them up and meditate on the word written. 

They looked simple enough to make and indeed they are. 

All you need is some River Rocks (preferably ones that have smooth surfaces) and a metallic permanent marker in Silver. I washed the stones prior to marking on them so I had a clean surface in which to write upon. 

I set all my materials out in front of me. I picked up a stone and wrote whatever word came to my mind as I picked it up. While writing the word I visualized the meaning of the word or something the represented the meaning to me. I then set them aside to dry, so I didn't smudge the writing. 

I didn't seal the writing with varnish or anything. I prefer to have the stones natural. Feel free to use a sealer if you wish. 

Now I have inspirational stones in which to visualize with and decorate with as well. I am all about the multiple use thing lately. I just need to find the right container in which to place the stones so they are easily accessible. 

You can give this a try and randomly pick up a stone. Close your eyes, if you wish. Think upon the word written upon the stone you chose and visualize it. You may be surprised at the reaction you have. 

You could always use smaller stones and carry them around in your purse or pocket and whenever you feel the stone, hold it in your hands and visualize what it represents. For example: if you are in need of confidence, carry the confidence stone around with you and whenever you find you need a little boost. Just hold the stone and visualize situations involving confidence. Visualize yourself as more confident and you may be surprised at the outcome. 

I had a crafty weekend. I made up this set of Inspiration stones and I whipped up a St. Paddy's Day hat for a co-worker. She loved it and wore it well. We Irish Lassies had to stick together on this fine day :) 

Here is the hat I made for her this past weekend. I have to say I am really loving the look of felt and want to make more in different colours. I would wear a mini-top hat every day. 

In honour or St. Patrick's Day I am leaving you all with the following. 

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse

<3 Arawynn <3

Closure....

They say when one door closes another opens. Baker has said he never completely closes doors but given our conversation yesterday, it would seem he does. 

I have been doing a lot of thinking over the last few weeks since last talking to Baker, prior to speaking with him yesterday, of course. It is amazing how taking a step back and looking at the situation from a different angle can change your outlook. 

At one point I thought he and I were perfect for each other but after telling him I couldn't be friends with him and blocking him, (as well as his ex, for good measure) I was able to think clearly and came to the conclusion he wasn't the greatest guy for me after all. I never truly felt comfortable being myself while talking to him, always on edge, afraid to say the wrong thing. I felt psycho-analyzed by him constantly and it was starting to grate on my nerves. Not to mention the fatherly lectures I would get. I already have a dad, thank you. 

Ladies, you should feel comfortable being you and not up on egg shells, in fear of what he will think of you. The right guy will accept you for who you are. You shouldn't have to watch what you say for fear of his reaction. I never knew what to say when talking to Baker because I didn't want to scare him off and the fact of the matter is I wouldn't have scared him off if he truly cared about me.  If he truly cares for you then he will want you in his life and to work with you. Otherwise, you are just wasting time.

Also ladies don't get involved with men that are still hung up on their exes, even if they say you can start off as friends first and work toward a relationship. If they tell you they just got out of a relationship or they still have feelings for their ex, take my advice and walk.  There is no room for you in his heart until he is ready to let go. I fell into that trap and I am passing on the knowledge I have gathered from my latest foray into the world of men. If you are looking for just friends, then by all means go ahead, however, those of you hoping for relationships tread carefully. 

It honestly felt like I was just a place holder until his ex was available again. He said that wasn't the case but his actions spoke otherwise. His fave saying was "Words are pretty, Actions speak louder" so why would he think I wouldn't consider that possibility when that is how it looked to me and others around me. 

Yesterday Baker told me that I would get over this and he and I can't be friends. I think it is cute that he thinks I am still hoping he and I can have a relationship of some kind. I gave up that thought a long while ago and talking to him yesterday just confirmed that for me. I just wanted my book back and to be done with it. As for us being friends, I know we can't be friends, which is why I told him last time I spoke with him that we can't be friends. 

He is choosing to go backward and I choose to move forward. I wouldn't dream of going back to my ex and I was with him for a helluva lot longer than Baker was with his ex and we have a biological child together. I think it is commendable that Baker wants to be there for children that aren't his biologically. There are too few men that can be there for someone else's children. It was one of the things I liked about Baker. I have met so many men that bolt as soon as I mention "the teen" and Baker didn't. It blinded me to all the other faults, however.

Having him going back toward his ex after listening to him bitch about how miserable she made him just boggles my mind and even if he said we could be friends, I wouldn't just for that reason. Personally I think it is a disaster in the making, if they do end up getting back together. It would be like me taking back my ex. *Shudder* 

I know that this doesn't lessen who I am as a person. I don't understand his decision completely but I am not beating myself up over it. There is nothing I could have done as long as he was hung up on his ex and it doesn't mean she is better than me, or she won, just that he is hung up on her and couldn't see me because of it. I know for next time not to get involved with someone in that situation, simple as that. 

I do feel sorry for the next guy that attempts to start something with me. Not only does he have to prove to me that he is worthy of my time, he also has to prove to the Teen as well. The Teen was actually disappointed because he said Baker seemed like a good guy but he just ended up turning out to be a douche in the end and I could do a lot better. I am raising a wise child. 

The teen doesn't believe in playing with a girl's feelings. He has an interesting outlook on dating. He says dating is for finding a spouse and if you aren't planning on settling down any time soon, why date? I am very proud to know he won't be one of those guys that plays girls. 

So all in all I am feeling pretty good. I think Baker expected something more in terms of a reaction to his speech but I really don't feel anything for him. What's done is done and you can't go back. Now there is room in my life for someone that wants to be in it and when I least expect it they will appear. Until that time comes I will continue to do things that bring me joy and creating me and it will be fantastic :)

Hugs and Smoochies from the Madhouse. 

<3 Arawynn <3